Hiya all. Got back from my holiday yesterday; probably the worst I've had! Got very poorly on arrival (acute bronchitis) which got me bruises on my bum due to injections...! Then had a chat with my boyfriend who agreed it was best to each move our way as he cannot cope with my 'condition' as he puts it... a 15 minute conversation to end a 10 year relationship.... it hurts so much inside to know how little I meant to him! I've always known he was selfish but that was ok; he had his life, I had mine, we saw each other at the week end; (we tried living together twice but didn't work). I knew the score and that was fine, because I was strong! Now, I don't feel strong at all; I am so scared; I am a mess in my head and feel so so so low; I have driven my youngest away to her dad's tonight because she can't handle me! we had an argument and typical teenager, she walked out on me in the middle of our conversation and locked herself in the bathroom! so I saw red and lost it and smashed things in her bedroom! (actually, it made a lot of noise but nothing is broken..and it was already a mess!!!!); I don't lose it often - last time was 13 years ago when I smashed the chairs and we had nowhere to sit until I could afford to buy some more.. the kids are always taking the micky about it! I'm joking but it hurts so much and I feel so powerless and losing control is one of my worst fears..! I got in hospital on Monday at 4 pm and just writing it down makes me feel sick! And I don't even know how to get to the hospital either (25 miles away) as I'll not be able to drive after surgery! My boyfriend (sorry ex!) was going to pick me up but I hate having to ask him; and I may want to resume the relationship because a tiny bit of support may be better than none at all...and I know it's wrong and would let myself down. and I hate to ask people for favours.!! Sorry to you all for rambling like this and apologies for feeling sorry for myself! Hope I feel better next time I'm here.
