Evening to you all.
Hopefully you are all spending this All Hallow's Eve doing what you enjoy the most, be it dressing up and partying or turning the lights off and hiding?
We are back after spending a wonderful few days staying in a hotel overlooking Robin Hood's Bay. A beautiful, beautiful place. This came about purely because our friends are amazing people. The view was spectacular and during the four days we were there I spent a fair bit of time staring out across the bay or when the fog rolled in listening to the sea during the night in my wakeful moments. I have always felt an affinity with the sea and love listening to the gently whooshing sound the waves make. It was even better not having to cook for a whole week, we ate like kings each night and morning in the restaurant and our every whim was catered for.
My birthday fell during the week. I couldn't help feeling the pressure to enjoy it, it possibly being my last. Inevitably it did not come up to scratch. The children did what children do best when cooped up inside on a wet day, moan, whine and generally misbehave. This I feel is a lesson. Never expect too much of one day it will spoil the spontaneous moments that just happen and often make the best memories. The next day we went to Scarborough and walked on the beach in the wind and rain, Master T and Little Miss H had a donkey ride, we played two penny shove machines, ate ice-cream and bought rock and fudge. A traditional English day at the seaside. Totally spontaneous and therefore much more enjoyable.
Whilst away I noticed my right leg was swelling up, I put this down to a side effect of a new tablet that I am on to help with the pain from the stent. On my return I rang my Macmillan nurse and mentioned it, she and the GP who rang later strongly suggested I go to the hospital to have this checked out for a deep vein thrombosis. So after I had eaten my dinner (knowing hospitals as I now do I wasn't going on a empty stomach) I duly tripped off to the Royal Victoria Infirmary to sit about and wait endlessly for an answer. Thankfully Jo chatted with me on Facebook throughout my enforced wait.
They took a blood test and measured my leg then did a score card. Apparently cancer can make you more prone to DVT's. Who knew? My blood results and the Dr arrived almost four hours later. I was in the positive range. Dr explained that I was only just in there but they needed to assume I had a clot given my medical history. This means an injection of Tinzaparin each day until Monday when they will do a scan to try to locate said clot. Ouch. If I definitely have a DVT then it will mean three months of treatment. Whoopee!
Sitting in bed this morning I checked my Facebook page and a memory post came up. A picture of our beautiful twin boys at roughly 10 days old. It tipped me over the edge and I sobbed. This whole DVT thing has been a reminder that I am likely not to win the battle against this Bastard. I have been dearly hoping that my body would remain healthy other than the cancer. This is needed to have any chance of making into the 7%. I cannot have any other malady that may tip the scales in the Bastards favour. I can't countenance the idea that I am not going to make into old age.
So today has been spent wiping my eyes on and off. I find these down days hard going. They are necessary though, I see them as a pressure cooker kind of release that helps me to refocus and keep going. It may be that the looming radiotherapy is playing on my unconscious mind. I start that this coming week and am not looking forward to it one bit but there is little choice in the matter.
In an effort not to let the Bastard rob the whole day from me I went shopping and bought myself some new clothes and a coffee machine with my birthday money. Little Miss H came with me and we also bought ingredients to make some chocolate muffins with spider decorations.
On my return a beautiful bunch of flowers was waiting for me. It was from all the ladies I know from my baby group who are and continue to be a hugely comforting outlet for me when I need to vent my frustrations or emotions. Little Miss H and I baked cakes and the children then carved their pumpkins with A. We pulled the day back in the end.
I guess I am saying that today has been about lancing a boil. Getting rid of the bad in order to heal and move forward and move forwards we will.
