Hello dear readers,
Ordinarily Mondays don't bother me but this coming one does. I'm there with the Boom Town Rats on this one. As a kind of harbinger of doom it also happens to be the 13th. If I were a person who worried about superstitions then this would worry me. Monday is results day.
I was thinking in the bath the other day, about this scanxiety, when a good analogy came to me, it is a bit like I am going to court. On Monday. The results are the jury delivering their verdict. Which I can do nothing about and Dr Oncology is my judge. He will mitigate the sentence, or not. With his drugs. Of course the jury may give me a suspended sentence. Again. But I will never get that Not Guilty. The acquitted verdict that I want. But a suspended sentence is good? yes? a stay of execution if you will.
It has also been a hard couple of days for other reasons.
I signed up for a day about Infant Loss, valuable for my training, if I get to work with parents, I want to be the best support I can for them. In all situations. But I hadn't considered that they would discuss memory making. Creating casts and doing finger prints, cutting locks of hair etc. I broke down. I know this all to well, I have been doing this but instead of for me, for my children. So they have a piece of me to hold and to touch. I thought I am so lucky that I have never experienced infant loss. The women talking to us were so brave. But it was a little too close to home. Bad timing I guess with Monday looming large.
My best friend also moves away this weekend and today we said goodbye, not just away to another town, or even the other side of the country. But to another country altogether. It is not outer Mongolia so I should quit my moaning. But I and others will miss her dearly. I will miss her physical presence.
I haven't cried for a while, but today I did, and yesterday and the day before.
It is a release.
And an excuse for cake.
I always like an excuse for cake.
Speak soon xxx
