Well. D-Day is almost here.
Tomorrow I get the results from my scan from two weeks ago.
I have been getting increasingly stressed.
Over the past three weeks my bowels have been really uncomfortable, sore and generally misbehaving. My stomach hasn't been great either. Feeling nauseous and getting niggling pains here and there.
My irrational mind tells me the Bastard has spread. It is in my stomach and bowel and I will be told there is little they can do.
My rational mind tells me that it has only been two months since I had radiotherapy to my pelvic area. It fried my bowel and my bladder. Therefore it is bound to be upset. Not quite sure how this affects my stomach though?
It could also be linked with the change of stent I had three weeks ago. Possibly.
I am not confident. I am also sick of my cancer mind overriding my me mind, if that makes sense? I am tired of fighting the two minds each day. I think it is probably down to the anxiety I have over getting my results but still it is tiring.
Equally other than taking a low dose of slow release morphine I am taking the least amount of pain killers that I have in a long time, this has to be a good thing right? I suffer from joint pain and get aches each day in the evening, a bit like having flu, but mostly I am able to function.
I possibly need to teach myself to be a glass half full kind of person...
An all clear right about now would make my year.
Wish us luck, we'll be needing every little ounce of it.
Take care xxx
