Morning everyone,
I am sitting up in bed wide awake with acid indigestion thanks to the chemo watching yet another history programme while the household continues to knock out the Zzzzs.
It doesn't matter though because I have you lot to talk to and when it is quiet I can order my thoughts better.
The chemo effects are building up and I almost always feel nauseous again despite the four different types of anti sickness medicine I take including my syringe driver. It really has taken its toll on my entire digestive system but I only have three more sessions to drag myself through so the finish line is in sight.
Recently my Macmillan nurse came to see me and I mentioned that I have had a return of the nerve pain in my leg and have been getting recurring headaches. She has arranged more tablets that work better on nerve pain but thankfully I only take them at night as that is when the pain is worst, as is the case often with cancer pain. So much for weaning myself off the pills. She also spoke to Dr Oncologist about arranging a scan for my head. He is very good, he rang me yesterday and said he will arrange a scan of my head once I had explained my fears; a very good friend's mum died of bladder cancer that got into her brain you see. They didn't scan her head so found it too late to treat it. Cue my mind working overtime.
Never mind all of this stuff is finally overshadowed by the best bit of news we have had in a long time aside from the results a month ago. I have life insurance and we put a claim in as statistically I have less than a year left to live and under these terms they will pay out. However, they decided not to pay out based on my latest results; I had to explain to them that my diagnosis has not changed and according to the statistics it is 93% certain that I will be a statistic in twelve months time. They changed their minds and paid out.
We are and have been stuck renting for years due to this country's housing crisis so now finally we can buy a forever home for the children and I will be well enough to take part in the process. The policy is enough for a modest three bed home which we will adapt to work for us. We desperately need more room, we are crammed in where we are so this is fantastic news. It also gives me a positive focus. Something to keep me going if you will?
Whilst we cannot go mad with this money as every penny pretty much will be needed for the house we will replace the car while we can so A does not have to worry about this in the coming years. But..... I have been able to buy myself just one little treat...well I say little...we have bought me my first car in 4 years and sadly probably my last ever. I have got a beautiful 2CV, a very old one, not a proper classic one but a 1980's one. I love it! It has really made me happy, quite a feat at the moment. I can't drive it very well as it is very basic and comes with a choke (who remembers one of those?) only four gears and flappy windows that open every time you hit a bump. But who cares? It made me smile.
So currently we are thinning things out and putting stuff into storage that we do not use regularly and wishing and hoping that the right house comes on the market quickly as time is still not on our side.
The only other thing that this pay out will allow that I am slightly more apprehensive about is that I can book my funeral. This I am not looking forward to quite so much. But it must be done, I cannot imagine leaving this to A after the event. If I were in his shoes I would find it crushingly destroying to arrange so it must be done beforehand so all he has to do is make a phone call.
Good bye for now. Off to Mother in Law's for dinner later so will be looked after for the day while the children get to spend time with Grandma.
xxxx
