Angry husband

Hi Jane sorry to hear about your husband :( I was diagnosed in 2010 but have had other health problems since 2007 and so has my fella - we both ended up in surgery on the same day!! Basically he does not cope well with anyone being ill - we have been together since we were 17 - 24 years together this year but honestly since I've been diagnosed I've wanted to throttle him!! I love him to bits but the things he says are just so uncaring and so matter of fact when all I want is a cuddle and him to say it's going to be all right which he has never done !! All he says is what can I do about it ?? And when he did come to appointments moaned about waiting !!! So I now go on my own - I've told him why and to his credit he does offer even though he can't sit down properly because of the operations he's had - bless him !! Sometimes I forget how hard it is for him to see me ill and cope with being ill himself - I was close to considering splitting up but after a blazing row I now sort of understand how he's feeling apparently I'm the strong one I do everything and hold everything together nothing works without me and he couldn't cope on his own - bless him x I know he loves me and he does care he just has difficulty accepting things and talking about it which is why I talk to my friends and come on here - it helps relieve all the tension - think I'd end up hitting him over the head with a frying pan if I didn't !! Lol Basically communication is the key you need to get your husband to talk about how he's feeling and you tell him how you're feeling , give him support , ask how he's feeling someone showing interest and concern means so much when you're feeling low and to hear someone say they love you and they'll be there for you - well it means the world !! I hope you get things sorted out Hun xx wishing you & your husband all the best xx Take care xxx

Jane, try speaking to a MacMillan nurse, they may be able to help. Its a different situation, but after my mum was diagnosed she was sent home with a diet to build her up. I live 50+ miles away so was phoning everyday, checking on her and what she had eating. She was struggling and not eating the right amount, but my questioning her was putting added pressure on, making her cry and get angry at me. I didint understand as I was trying to help. The MacMillan team discussed how I could help, what I should and shouldnt do for her, so she felt supported rather than measured and monitored. They helped me understand from her perspective what was going on and how she needed me rather than what I felt was right.

 

Anger does strange things and of course he could really blame you but he could also believe he is protecting you and making it easier by distancing himself now rather then when he becomes iller and more dependant if indeed thats the case.I hope it works out for you, but think about giving them a call they may have other avenues to help and are there for the families as well as the patients.

 

Will

Thank you, I will give them a call, would be nice to get some help on how to support him more.

What you said resonates with me as i do tend to question him, has he done this, booked that appointment etc. He may well be trying to protect me but last night all of a sudden he literally clung to me for most of the night, he is one proud man and dont think he wants me to see him weak and helpless

thank you