Feeling down :(

I don't have many down days, 99% of the time I'm positive, upbeat and very practical in how I think. Cancer will not beat me and I'm going to survive this and come out the other side. 

Yesterday I had it confirmed that my teaching salary will go to half pay after 100 days. I knew this was happening as I'd contacted my union. My headteacher is great,very supportive and is only following policy but it's still very upsetting that after 21 years of working at the same school and getting cancer I'm still penalised. So by February I'll get half pay. I can approach the governors and ask them to re-consider when I get to that point and write to them saying I'm suffering hardship - but how demoralising is that, especially  when I'm in the middle of chemotherapy and probably feeling very low.

I know that my half salary is some people's actual salary and we are by no means destitute, I know I'm lucky but it just made me angry. I've been teaching for a long time but it doesn't matter that you put your heart and soul into a job, no one looks out for you except yourself. 

Ive been very teary and depressed, I know it will pass but it just feels rubbish that not only am I going to spend the next few months feeling physically worse than I've ever done, I'm going to have to watch what we spend and use our savings to afford to eat.

Cancer sucks in so many different ways. 

  • I read your message and just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I hope you manage to have a good weekend, despite everything. x

  • Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling low, i think we all feel like that sometimes,it will pass.

    I have been like that, when I “confessed” how I was feeling to a friend they said “well you don’t have a cold, I think that’s allowed”. I think we try to be upbeat all the time but as a cancer nurse said to me “it’s ok to not be ok sometimes”. 
    Cancer sucks, we didn’t ask for it.  Thinking of you, x

  • Thank you. I'm feeling better this morning x

  • Thanks for your kinds word. I agree, sometimes we need to wallow, have a cry and move on x

  • Gosh I think you are more than entitled to have a bad day now and again, and please don't feel,bad about it. It must be very disheartening to be forced to take time off work and have the impact on pay.  I think it's not just about the money, but the feeling of worth.  I'd hope your Head would be putting your case to the Governors on your behalf, not expecting you to.   Hope your weekend is going ok by now xx