Heartbroken

Hi I am new here and want to share my story. 

When I met my fiancé I already knew that she had breast cancer which had come back, however due to COVID which she was suffering with was not able to continue her treatment. When she was better we met after talking online in January of this year and we were totally besotted with each other. We met a further 2 times but as her treatment continued her blood count was consistently low and were not improving. On top of that she started having problems with her breathing and coughing so her oncologist recommended a body scan, further bloods and a biopsy. The scan results were not good and the cancer had now spread to her lung and was growing. This was the turning point in our relationship when I offered to go with her to the consultation which first accepted then refused. Although I was upset I respected her decision. She was then put onto intravenous chemotherapy as opposed to oral form. She wasn't tolerating the treatment and was continously sick and no anti sickness drug seemed to work. On two occasions she was hospitalised due to dehydration. As time went on she became insular and pushed me away and the communication became less frequent but again I gave her space as when she had chemotherapy she was exhausted so I understood that. So we would usually talk on the days when she was not having treatment. Over 2 months had now passed since we saw each other physically and as communication became less frequent or short  I started to worry that we were drifting away from each other. I felt so lonely because I missed her so much. Just recently she had another review and the news again was not good and again she did not tell me what the results were, however apart from that the treatment was not working and her treatment was going to be stepped up again. She was already going 3 times a week and now faces double doses twice a week. She was exhausted in every way and on top of that still sick. I was as supportive as I could be, however I knew things between us was deteriorating not from my end. So just yesterday I asked how she was and if she wanted to talk and she said she was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. I offered that she have some space, however the response was not good. It was then that she felt it necessary to end our relationship. As you can imagine I'm devastated. I wanted to be there for her and felt that this would draw us closer together but it was the complete opposite. Has this happened to anyone else? 

Anonymous
  • I have no idea what you or your fiancee are going through.  You sound so kind and caring and wanting to be supportive .  But none of us can truly know what she is going through.  I guess the only advice I can offer is to keep checking in with her and asking if she needs anything of you, in what any form that may be.  And for you I truly hope you have friends and family who can support you at this difficult time .

  • Hi Jo, thank you for your kind words. However as it is so early since the break up I've decided it's best that we have no contact until I'm over it and can contact her again. Unfortunately my family never knew about the relationship as we don't get on. I do have a couple of close friends who have been supportive though. Many thanks again. 

  • Hi Ad. I have known about my stage 4 cancer for about a year now and I have gone through many thoughts and moods.Sometimes I am just angry and sometimes I shut myself away because I cannot bear to think of a future I may not see.

  • Sorry in need of more drugs lol! One thing I do know is cancer makes me feel very lonely and I have a cry most days,hence Why I joined this forum. Don’t give up but what your friend needs the most is to know you are there if and when it’s needed and trust me it will be.