I was inspired to bake a Raspberry Blue marble sci-fi cake by the incredible science behind my upcoming operation. Creating this cake took me out of myself to invent a cake that represented where I am at the moment. I'm no good at 'mindfulness' but cake baking (and eating) hits the spot perfectly helping me focus on what's happening in the moment, rather than go into that scary domain of 'what if...' about my impending operation. I decided today's cake was worthy of a 'Crudwell Diet' mention (see my previous entry about the Crudwell Diet) as rather than use four ounces of butter, I substituted a fluid ounce of vegetable oil (we'd ran out of butter) ... thus making it 'healthy' (well, at least slightly less unhealthy!).
My operation will take place on Wednesday 21st July exactly a month after I had my first appointment at the Marsden when I was given the first biopsy results and heard that my breast lump was malignant. The days sometimes dragged but looking back it seems to have come round so quickly. The journey to the Marsden on public transport has become very familiar. I've had seven further appointments since my first. My most recent visit was by car, very early on Sunday morning, as I'm about to isolate prior to the operation. They're going to take out the lump and some lymph nodes - depending on what they see with my 'sentinel node probe localisation'. This probe will take place in the morning prior to the operation and will involve radioactive dyes (and possibly blue dyes too - which will turn my skin and bodily fluids blue for many days to come). I'm somewhat intrigued. It all sounds a bit futuristic. There's actually a part of me, the observer, that's looking forward to it as if this science was fiction and I'm the star of my own movie. Virtual reality.
Sunday's appointment was at the pre-op investigation clinic and including a covid test, taking blood for testing, weighing and measuring me and giving me an ECG. Fortunately they weighed me in kilograms (I only really understand stones and pounds) and I didn't get to hear how much I've shrunk in height. I was, however, glad to hear my heart is good! I'm now isolating for 3 days (to prevent catching covid) and have started daily showering and washing my hair with a 'decontamination wash lotion' (another science fiction story?). This is to help prevent the spread of MRSA in the hospital.
My appointment on Thursday was intriguing too. Because it is hard for a surgeon to feel the lump when operating, they insert a 'marker' that will be easy to find. In some hospitals they insert a 'wire' whilst giving you a mammogram (a very uncomfortable x-ray where they squash your breast and get you to stay very still during insertion). In my case they inserted a 'Magseed' - a small steel magnet, the size of a grain of rice, using an ultrasound wand to guide them. The painful bit was injecting the anaesthetic and checking if I could still feel things; the insertion was not painful at all. Unfortunately I wasn't spared the mammogram as the Consultant Radiologist needed to double-check it was inserted in the right place and provide x-ray pictures for the surgeon.
I'm really not frightened. I get weepy from time to time, particularly when nurses say reassuring things to me. I'm worried, though, about the person I will become ... but perhaps more of this on another day.
Baking
As for the cake, if you want to bake one yourself go to https://wordpress.com/post/kathiescakes.wordpress.com/769. The marvels of my magnetic seed and nuclear medicine and the x-rays were represented by the edible glitter on the top it. I'm ashamed to admit I've got slightly worried that I've ingested some of the sparkly glitter - I believe there is metal in it which goes through your system. I'm starting to worry, having no idea if it will leave my system before Wednesday. If it doesn't, will it affect the Magseed location and what happens in the x-ray machines? Maybe I'll call the Macmillan Nurses and see if they have any thoughts... what an idiot ... hope they don't think I'm wasting their time! The blue dye used in the marbling decoration and cake is, of course for the blue dye that they may well inject into me. My fingers are already blue from the dye I've used for the cake, maybe I'll be spared this particular indignity on Wednesday! The red in the raspberries should not need any explanation, but they (along with the lemon in the icing) give the cake a bit of a lift. Finally the pristine white part of the icing represents the decontamination wash lotion.
