My appointment was 4.30pm but when I got to the hospital they were running an hour late. So it was a day of waiting. Building the suspense.
I was called through and greeted by my surgeon and breast care nurse. In the most relaxed way he said the surgery had been a success and that everything had been removed. I wasn’t expecting confetti cannons or a marching band, but he said it in such a calm and matter of fact way that I honestly thought I’d misheard. I had to ask him to repeat himself. Then I repeated his words back to him for him to confirm. For the 3rd time! This meant the world to me but I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked away the tears whilst he told me more in depth information about the surgery. As well as both breasts being removed, I also had an axillary clearance on my left side. This is where they remove the lymph nodes from the armpit area. I had 11 nodes removed and cancer was in 4 of them. One of the nodes was 40mm so pretty big. My surgeon explained that as they grow bigger they can become quite fibrous, and this one had attached itself to and started growing around one of the veins in my arm. This is why I was in surgery longer than expected. I never seem to make anything straight forward. He told me my care was being handed back to my oncologist for the next stage of treatment. And just like that I was bid farewell and I walk out the room.
That lump I swallowed and tears I blinked away during the meeting couldn’t be contained anymore and I stood in the hospital corridor blubbering away uncontrollably. I felt so many emotions; elation, relief, grief, fear…it was as if everything I’d been trying to keep a lid on since diagnosis was flooding out of me now. I had to go this appointment on my own and I just wanted to get home to tell Rob and the boys.
Even though there is still treatment ahead of me, this is the day my cancer clock stopped. The clock started ticking on July 26th when I was told I had cancer. I have lived 213 days knowing I have cancer in my body. Today I was told it was no longer there.
