10 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were told every few months for 10 years that she was close to death. 10 years, 2 rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy and 2 major surgeries later and mum is still here and hopefully now clear. In the midst of it all I had quite a severe eating disorder; retrospectively I was trying to gain control of my life as the uncertainty in the situation with mum meant that I was desperately anxious and depressed. I had CBT for my eating disorder so now I am here to finally overcome my anxieties and start to love the life I have been given.
With so much death and illness around us, I regularly question the meaning of life, particular the meaning of my life. Does anyone else question this? Having struggled for so long to just stay afloat whilst dealing with mum and the effect on my family, I now feel at a loss because she is doing much better. My purpose for 10 years was to "survive"...now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing?
Has anybody else had experience of this? You struggle for so long, and when the struggle is over, you are a little lost.
Additionally, I find that whenever I see death on the TV or hear of people dying I get so anxious and upset and can't shake it for days. I'm not scared of dying but I think I am scared of feeling the pain of someone else's death because it loomed in my life for so long. Anyone else had a similar thing?
Would love to know your thoughts.
Thanks x
