Blank and numb

Well im home and really unhappy about today I was suppose to get the news i have waited so long to hear 10 weeks 10 long weeks and today was going to be my day they were going to tell me what i have next whether it was surgery or chemo and more importantly when it would start I had 2 scans done last week a CT and a micro bubble ultra sound scan so they could have a good look and decide Well that decision didnt happen im so angry frustrated upset very tearful I know that they only want whats best for me and there trying to help me and for that im greatful Now the reasons they cant do it just now or if it will ever be possible is because i now have 9 lesion on my liver and 2 of the lesions are right beside my hepatic vein the main blood supply and there on the left side not good news as all the rest are on the rightside so that mean there not sure if they can put the stent in to block off the blood supply to the right because the cancer would grow very fast because the 2 lesions that are on the left beside the vein will get all the blood and grow very fast No i dont do things by half mesures do i I cant believe i have 9 lesions not the dot on the first ct not even the 3 on the 2nd or the 5 on the 3rd but now because they have taken so long i have 9 i cant put into words how i feel but gutted is a mild way of describing Well i have to return to the hospital next thursday and by then he said they would have made a decision Im sorry this is such a depressing blog i hope the next one will be better and would like to add my thanks to everyone in the chat room for listening to me rant and rave on about this so often love and hugs to you all xxxxx