In the style of Dr Seuss - the complete thing

The delegates came and the delegates sat

And they talked and they talked ‘til their bums all went flat

Then a delegate said in the country he knew

We must do something quick, but what should we do

So they sat again thinking and there they stayed seated

Sitting and thinking the planets been heated

I think, said a delegate there from Peru

That we all must agree on some things we could do

Like reducing emissions, at least CO2

So they nodded and noted and vetoed and voted

And one of them stood up and suddenly quoted

It’s the science you see, that’s the thing that must guide us

When the leaders all get here they’re certain to chide us

So they sat again thinking about what to think

Then decided to ponder what colour of ink

To use on the paper when they’ve all agreed

To be selfless not greedy, M^cGreedy agreed

But how do we choose just what colour to use

Said a delegate there who’d been having a snooze

We need clear binding targets, definitive action

We must all agree clearly without more distraction

So they sat again thinking of targets for ink

But the ink in their thinking had started to stink

And they started to think the ink was a kink

And the thinking of real things was what they should think.

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE

If ze climate needs mending then zis is our chance

Said the nuclear delegate sent there by France

We need to agree on something to agree on

Something we all want a fixed guarantee on

Yes said another who thought this made sense

And a value for carbon in dollars or pence

But the mention of money and thoughts of expense

Stifled the programme and things became tense

The fella from China with a smile on his face

Said who put the carbon there in the first place

Wasn’t us said the U.S then Europe did too

Then a silence descended and no words were spoken

Til a delegate stood up, voice nervous and broken

Is there nothing on which we can not all decide

Because on Wednesday my chicken laid eggs that were fried

We all like a sing song said the bloke from Down Under

But then the great hall was all shouting and thunder

Policemen had entered and were wearing protesters

They had beaten and flattened like blooded sou westers

The police had decided to downplay this crime

With prevention detention and beatings in rhyme

Greenies who’d shouted and asked for decision

Were now being battered with lethal precision

All sick of inaction and fed up of waiting

All tired of the endless debate implicating

Had risen up grating berating and hating

So the police had commenced the related abating

Ban  Ki Moon put his head in another man’s lap

And was last heard muttering something like crap

But the chap next to him said it’s more like it’s poo

So the great hall debated not what they should do

But how to decide between crap cack and poo

It is crap it is cack it is poo we agree

Which was written and labelled as document three

I think if we find one thing to agree on

Then Brazil might be left with more than one tree on

So they sat again thinking of trees and Brazil

And glaciers that have retreated uphill

And they thought of the poor folks who’s homes were in flood

But less of the protesters covered in blood

They pondered the species so nearly extinct

It’s as if they all thought these things might be linked

We need a solution we need action please

Said a lady who’d come from the sinking Maldives

The others all nodded and said it was fact

That the time must be now not to talk but to act

Then Obama arrived and said most rhetorical

Action is action and not metaphorical

Wow they all thought he must mean arogorical

I love it when Barack goes all oratorical

But the problem I have is Congress won’t pass it

Bugger said Ban Ki then sorry then arse it

Then Brown said I’ve got it how does this strike you

It’s simpler when voters already dislike you

He suggested the EU should lead from the front

So The Mail and The Telegraph called him, something very unpleasant indeed

So the delegates stared at the text with red marks on

Ignoring the gales of laughter from Clarkson

No one was satisfied nobody won

Said the morons convinced it was really the sun

Then they blew it and wasted the greatest of chances

And instead they all frolicked in diplomat dances

And decided decisively right there and then

That the best way to solve it was to meet up again

And decide on a future that’s greener and greater

And not with action now but with something else later

Unfortunately I can't take the credit for this wonderful little diity, it's from Marcus Brigstock on this weeks Now show. But I think it's too good to let it disappear as just another thing I remember so cut it and copy it paste it not waste it. 

Oh goodness this rhyming is catching

Bren