Wow what a journey it's been. I was first diagnosed with bowel cancer on June 13th - a day I'll never forget.
After months of stomach pain (but nothing much else) i'd never thought I'd end up being a cancer patient. Just about everything else went through my mind - IBS, Crohns, irrritable bowel, gallstones but never the 'C' word. Even my consultant was convinced it was nothing too sinister but no, cancer it was.
And so the journey began in a whirlwind of activity. More scans, blood tests, ultrasound, endoscopy and colonscopy. I think I just got swept along in bit of a blur until they confirmed that the thought it was confined to my bowel. I had 3 weeks to psych myself up for a right hemi colectomy and boy was I peeved... not only had cancer managed to disrupt my day to day life but had also put an end to my booked annual holiday to the kids to the carribean to visit my mum and dad! Sounds irrational I know but I miss my folks...
After convincing myself of a million reasons not to have surgery (I may not make it; what if I don't wake up?; I need to take my kids to school; I've got an import meeting next week; its a wrong diagnosis), I finally resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done - I either do or die (not much of a choice really when it's said like that).
Surprisingly, the surgery went much better than I thought. Yes it was painful and I had 6 days in hospital (which was harder than any pain I felt from the op), but then I came home and was up and about in what seemed to be no time. I didn't want pity and I was sick of the 'I'm sooo sorry's' - hell so am I but lifes got to go on and I'm sure it's not your fault I have cancer! The hardest part was waiting for the results of the tumour they took away... was it really only a week I waited? It certainly felt like more. The results left me with mixed feeling really. Glad that the surgery was over and the tumour contained to the bowel, but what do you mean 5 lymph nodes are affected? Yep, it meant my next worst nightmare - chemo.
I knew I needed to recover from the op before it would start - yes and 8 week reprieve! So I made the most of my summer with my two young girls and hubby... Days out, a long weekend break away, afternoons in the park, family bbqs - just being normal. And it was great!
And now?....
Well chemo finally started on the 5th Sep, and do you know what, so farI'm doing ok... I put myself down for a research trial and I was picked to have only 3 months instead of the 'gold standard, belts and braces 6'.
Don't get me wrong, chemo is tough and people are affected in different ways but for me I'm not too bad. Sure it hurt like hell going in, but that subsided... Then I had the sickness, but that subsided. Then I went through the lack of taste, but that's subsiding too!! Ok so I've still got the weird sensitivity to cold thing, tiredness and my hands are a little sore but in the big scheme of things it could be a damn sight worse. Let's hope this continues throughout the treatment...
So how's it been 3 months on? At 39 years old with two young children I never thought I'd be here....It's hard at times, damn right surreal at others! I have good days and bad days when I still think why me? But what I also know is the saying 'life is just to short' isn't just a saying, its a fact. So from one cancer sufferer to another, my only advice would be to live life, don't save till tomorrow what you can do today, learn to love, laugh everyday (even when it seems theres not much to laugh at), be grateful for what you have, and thankful for what you haven't ;-)
Life really is a rollercoaster, and we must embrace it, so buckle up and do everything you can to enjoy the ride....
