Well I've moved in with my girlfriend in a nice house pretty near my old one, all my stuffs settled in my rooms set up all nice and cosy think I've managed to lose a few things (this is what happens when your too weak and messed to move anything yourself) but I'm really grateful to everyone who helped me move, my family, my girlfriend and my Dad's mates were stars.
So I'm back on the routine going to Hospital twice a week, doing all my pills at home and my Ganciclovir and its been pretty rough transition to say the least but it's day +64 and day +100 is creeping... ever... so... slowly... closer.... and I'm finally out of the Bone Marrow Transplant ward's clutches and I head back to the AHU. I don't have anything against the BMT Ward, they're been brilliant, the do a fantastic job and they're all fantastic and the consultants are great. The problem comes with the Day Area ward the floor below, to squeeze what you need out of them can be nightmare, it's a wonder a lot patients do it. I'm not gonna bitch about it, it's a tough job and I know they do their best but between pharmacy mistakes and scatty registrars you really realise, you are in-charge of yourself now and you ain't getting a lot guidance.
Still consultants are great, Matt especially is quite happy to ask my questions and is very clear so I stick with his word as gospel.
In myself I've been keeping my spirits up with retail therapy buying games and planning on my buying computers in the future, buying Wii and 360 games to. It's not easy. I suppose I can blame the steroids to a certain to a degree, being moody and that but it can be so difficult to keep your mind focused just writing this blog is really testing my concentration I've written a long entry like this for a while it's really taxing my brain to keep the sentences go coherent (I apologise if they are far from it).
It's difficult to really explain how I feel at the moment, I've been upset a lot really over nothing in particular. I suppose I think back to the weeks of chemo free time I spent just prior to my transplant I think how good I was feeling and it feels like getting back to that stage is going take a long time... I'm really learning meaning of the phrase 'taking it one day at time' which I always thought was going to be one of those cancer cliches (like 'stay positive') but I'm learning the meaning off both in a big way at the moment.
It comes down to this today:
I miss my friends, my indepdendence, my health.
FormerMember
Hi Will, oh I really do feel for you, but you will get there, you certainly have the will power to. I think you can also hold the steroids accountable for your changes in mood. Very powerful and useful drugs but they can affect the mood, but I am sure you know that - you are very much in the real world of what you have been through.
You have done really well, maybe you should make some time - brain power depending (!!) and read through your blogs and then you will see how far you have had to come and just what you have been through since your diagnosis. It is no wonder at all that your feel a tad fazed - anyone would!!
I am so pleased you have moved in with your girl friend now, I would think she will be breaking up soon so you will not be alone and you can work on getting your strength and independance back together. You are right, one step at a time and at snail's pace. You will pick up speed in a few weeks.
Keep going Will and you really will get there, day 100 is, as you say getting ever closer!
Enjoy Wii - it has always been a great hit in this house .... makes me smile when I think of the antics of my supposed 'adult' children, and as for my husband, well - he would be a laughing stock in the office! :-)
