A month since diagnosis...

Woke up at 3am again, feel like I haven't had a decent nights sleep in a month. I thought I slept fairly well last night but I still felt absolutely shattered all day, strange thing is the day before I felt pretty good and I got next to no sleep the night before that... I'm still hoping it's down to the steroids but I don't know, I've been getting a lot of indegestion and heart burn over the last couple of days which has been keeping me awake as well. Everything I eat seems to burn and my appetite's nowhere near as much as it was before. They mentioned possibly increasing my ranitidine dosage, I'll mention it to Jenny on friday, but at the moment I'm just taking some gaviscon indesgestion medicine now and then. Really it's the tiredness and lack of sleep that's really start to get to me, I've said before I'm bad enough normally when I'm tired but haven't not slept properly in so long it just makes everything else seem so much worse. I don't really feel all that sick or anything else but being tired I just worry and get upset about nearly anything, not to mention the fact I hate feeling this grumpy and irritable all the time. Worse than that it's my girlfriend I feel for the most, my family see me every few days or every week or so, she sees me almost every day and is the one that really bares the brunt of the fact I'm grumpy and upset. Sometimes all I think I'm doing is bringing her down, when really she doesn't deserve any of this, I know nobody deserves the situation but sometimes I just think she'd be far better off without all of this. I can't believe it's been more than a month since the diagnosis now, doesn't feel like that long at all, things are starting to settle down I suppose but I'm hoping the second stage of chemo's going to go a little smoother... or at least just let me sleep a little easier.