When life throws you lemons you make lemonade.... it's a crap saying but it's true. We are all on our own journey through life, when life throws a spanner in the works, be that cancer, a broken central heating system or a broken down car we just deal with it, I have had all three (and more) problems to deal with recently and still am dealing with them.
Friends have said they don't know how we manage to stay positive, they say they wouldn't be able to cope if put in to this situation, I would have thought the same but we manage it. I'm not a superhero, I didn't have special training to deal with this and I am probably not anyones idea of a nurse or carer. The only thing I do have is love, and lots of it. for my family, my friends and most of all for my partner, I dont have all the answers but because i care I will find them, i am prepared to learn from my mistakes and an happy to be taught how to deal with this as I love those around me, particularly Steve, enough to allow that help and support in, to accept my failings and change what, when, why and how i do things inorder to make sure I can give the best of everything to my soulmate.
I'm probably rambling a little now but after a few failed relationships i recall a friend saying after you have been hurt you never manage to give 100% of your heart to anyone again as it hurts too much if it turns sour. I used to think this was nonsense until I met Steve, we spoke and he understood this too and we concluded because we had both been hurt before we would never be able to give 100% of our hearts to anyone ever again, maybe 95% or 99% but there would always be that little bit of love left in reserve for ourselves, a comfort cushion if you like, just in case. Even though our hearts wanted to live happily ever after our heads reminded us in reality nobody can foresee the future and people change.
We've changed over the years but, we have grown together and we're probably more together now than ever before. I realised this the day Steve was admitted to hospital, this was our first night apart since we bacame a couple, almost six years without a day or night apart and then it was a brain tumor, (which we now know is a GBM) that forced us to spend our first night apart. We're determined to not let this tumor come between us but it has managed to disrupt our routine however, this has made me realise that I've changed, the small % of my heart i was keeping for myself has gone, it all belongs to Steve.
I used to wonder what people meant when they said "soulmate" I know the answer to that now too, being just one half of the whole, feeling like your arm is missing when the other is not there, knowing what they are thinking before they say it, feeling their happiness, their excitement, their fear and pain without the necessity to use words, when a simple glance speaks volumes and when the chemistry is so strong that even strangers are aware of the bond.
I don't know the point I am making, I am just wittering on but as I said, even though life deals us some bitter blows we deal with them, not because we have special skills or abilities but because we know how to love, it's the love that keeps us going, helps us stay strong and helps us make lemonade when we're given a whole heap of lemons......
