After he's gone..

Less than one minute read time.

Four days have passed and it doesn't doesn't feel real that my dad is no longer here.  The tears have flowed (alot), but in the back of my mind I still can't quite grasp that he's gone.  This feels a strange emotion considering I sat in the hospice room with dad a few minutes after he passed.  I didn't want to leave him, because it felt like I'd be leaving him forever.  The hospice staff were brilliant, the support they gave to my mum and I was perfect - caring, compassionate, thoughtful, attentive... I could go on and on!  

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the amount of arrangements, paperwork and notifications that are needed once someone passes.  Less than 24 hours we were sat in the local registrar's office registering his death.  Felt very surreal.  I have tried to lighten the load on my mum by writing letters, filling in forms, sorting out his finances to make sure she can afford the funeral, etc.  No-one warns you that during the full force of your grief such details need to be managed.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I am so sorry for your loss hun, I know what you are feeling,  we did everything we could before dad went. He wanted to be part of it and didn't want us doing it afterwards, but hey there was still loads to do. It is very overwhelming but give you a focus too i think.

    It sometimes still doesn't feel real to me now 8 weeks on. and i was with my dad all day til he died and 4 hours afterwards like you it felt like it would be forever.

    If you need to talk we are all here. when you are ready.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    dear Blue

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. i just wanted to reassure you that feeling that it is not real is what many of us feel at first - it doesnt feel possible that this can have happened. it took me a long time to be able to think to myself "he's not here anymore" and actually be able to believe it. and it took me over a year to be able to say the words "my dad died". i couldn't say "died" - it felt too real a sentence if that makes sense, "passed away" or "we lost dad" was and still is easier for me. so i'm just saying that it is all very new and very early for you - be kind to yourself, spend time with compassionate friends, and of course your mum, and let it all out in your own way, and in your own time.

    if ever you want to talk some more, you will find many friendly and sympathetic ears on here. xx

    love and hugs, Claire xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Blue,

    My deepest sympathy at your Families very sad loss. I hope you manage to get your Dads papers in order, its a long job and very trying. But you have the strength to get things all sorted.Regards to your Mum.

    Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Blue, I feel the same as you and it is nearly 5 months since my dad died. I just feel as if he is away at a conference, something he did often with the tenants movement.

    In some ways that is a comfort, but I'm scared of when the reality will hit me. I have been taking antidepressants for three weeks now as I became very depressed after all the pressures surrounding dad's death. I am beginning to feel slightly better, but so wish with all my heart he was here with me.

    I am thinking of you. Take care hun and please continue to come on site and get some support.

    Luv, Christine xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    So sorry for your loss, I am sure your dad is still very much with you although you cant see him any more and now he is free from all his pain. I know its not much comfort but I have to believe our loved ones are still around us. My thoughts are with you.xx