So I thought I'd add a post here because I don't have an anonymous blog on the interwebs to feed my thoughts. For the record, just because I know someone has gotten the wrong impression, I'm not actually afraid of dying, or of having Cancer. The thought of leaving my parents and brother to grieve is the only thing I fear or much rather dread. It's hard to come to terms with inflicting that on the ones you love.
I'm seeing the dermatologist on Monday the 9th. I've been booked in for blood tests. I believe scans will follow on from there, which I'm guessing will be the standard issue PET/CT.
I'm quietly confident. I feel great. I took a week off from swimming which turned into 2. Has to be done sometimes to kill the boredom and it allows me to come back excited and bursting with motivation. I started back in the pool last night. I swam 1km in little over 30 minutes and the only thing that made it a challenge was the breathing. I usually sprint for 50m and take a 20 sec breather. Half-way through I'll breath for 1 min. It's hard to believe I have something wrong inside of me. I guess I'll always feel the area that was excavated, it kinda pulls when your legs are stretched out. Feel it when I walk, feel it when I sit, feel it when I'm flat out on the sofa :) Like a faithful hound at my feet.
I must admit I sometimes feel around the scar, although it's pretty firm from so much scar tissue inside me, so it's pretty difficult to tell if anything evil is growing. But it's just scar tissue in my leg now. It's amazing what hard work on the bike has done to break down the scar tissue on my abdomen. The size of that use to worry me, but it's completely flat now, just feel a bit in the crease.
The weather has been quite miserable over Christmas. I should have got back to swimming sooner, but I fell ill with a minor virus while I was on a training break, and it took me a good week to get over that, after being off work for 4 days with it.
Light-headed, gripes when I ate, constant feeling of wanting to vomit except when I ate something, which then just gave me the gripes. Had a seriously bad headache for the first 2 days that painkillers did nothing for. That morphed into lower back ache and also my quads. Seemed a lot like flu without the cold. Spaced out a lot (more than usual ;).
Anyway! Bring on the blood tests, I know I can ace them! Very eager to see inside myself again with the CT scan. I never got to see my PET, but had a good gander at the CT replay as I hopped off the machine.
The last time I saw the dermi, she was having a good feel around my glands under my chin and my arms. I hardly ever do this myself. Not because I fear the worse, but simply because my attitude is that I'll feel it anyway. You instinctively know when a gland is swollen.
Doctor, I'll be fine!! ;) x
PS Christmas was GREAT. Peaceful, I got more than I thought I would! Just have to find the time to watch, listen and read it all! New sun-glasses for mountain biking, a Livestrong T, 2 Magnum Photo books :)
