Hello alll
Just thought i would blog today for some reason, cant belive its been 10 weeks since mum passed.
Im coping quite well trying to be strong which i sometimes think mum is making me feel strong.
It may sound odd to some people but when mum was dying the last couple of weeks i had to switch off and become a "nurse" and not her 21year old daughter because i wouldnt of been able to do it.
I wasnt forced to do it i Wanted too care for my mum best care is at home we all felt.
But i think i grived more for mum as she was dying then i am now... I miss her so much and would give anything to have her back, i would of even had the illness for her if i could of.
But like i say i miss her which makes me so sad because i want to tell her everything like i use to but i feel worse for thinking how much pain she suffered and how much she is missing on earth now.
Her body gave up after she had the stent fitted in March 09 because of her M.S but her mind kepted going and going and all she wanted to do was to see my sister get married in july but that was snactched away from her too, just slices my heart in to pieces.
Since mum passed so much has happened tho, mums funereal in july then my sisters wedding 10days after which we went ahead with as mum would of wanted that, then we have sold our house in august.
These things are HUGE and i thought it was just gonna be the wedding this year and that would of been big enough on its own but no had 2 have all 3 at once.
Just miss u sooo much mum and i know your with us but wish you would give me a sign xxxxxxxxxxxx
FormerMember
Hi Becki, don't really know what to say. You sound like a wonderful daughter and your mum must have been so proud of you. Take one day at a time hun. Wishing you all the very best, Christine xx
All you wrote about your mom and your grieving could be written by me.
I lost my mom 2 weeks ago, after 3,5 weeks fight against bile duct cancer. I couldnt have ever imagined that i would lose my mom so early. I was always so happy about that my mom was only 19 years older than i am, so i would have maaaany years time to spend with her. I was preparing myself to be over 60 when she would die. But no... she got the cancer at the age of 42.. and died 3,5 weeks after the diagnosis. It was my 23rd bday when we heard that she had a cancer. 20 days later she was gone.
As you said you grieved more when she was dying than now after she has been dead. I have the same thing. Those 3,5 weeks and the week before diagnosis after we knew that something was wrong, but werent sure what it was. Anyway, those 4,5 weeks were so so so hard and difficult for me. I felt like my life stopped there, and i was out of coping skills. And after she died... I have wondered if there is something wrong with me, bc im able to keep on living my life. Ofc i miss her so so so much everyday. And i have cried everyday, but im still coping better than i thought i would be. She wasnt only a mother, she was also my best friend, and a person who always supported and understood me. I was able to talk about anything in this world with her.
It made me a smile a bit, bc i was talking with a friend, and saying her that im pretty sure of that my mom is there somewhere, giving me and my father the strenght to survive through this. Seems like you have thought the same...
Anyway, stay strong and feel free to contact me PM if you want to talk about anything. Im sure your mom is really proud of you!!! Take care.
I'm sorry that you're feeling it so badly at the moment - it does get a little easier with time, but I know what you mean about grieving for someone as they're dying, as that's how I felt I was a little bit with my mum. I was fine with her - laughing and making her laugh, caring for her every need, etc., - then I'd go out of the front door and just break down and lay in bed at night crying because she was going.
This very day last year my mum went for a chest x-ray and within 24 hours the world came crumbling around us - seems so strange that a year ago I didn't even know she was ill, yet this beast was growing inside her ready to pounce.
Anyway hun, you need to try and be gentle with yourself - for one so young, you did a wonderful, caring thing looking after your mum until she passed away and you need to console yourself with the fact that you made her feel loved and safe and special right up until she took her last breath. What a wonderful daughter you are.
Take care of yourself, cry when you need to but also remember that your mum will be watching over you and wanting to see your lovely smile when you remember good times with her.
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. Losing your Mum at any age is difficult especialy when you have had a close relationship like yours. When I wa svery young I remember my Dad saying that time is a great healer but you really don't believe it until time does pass. You will never stop missing your Mum but you WILL come to be able to accept it. Keep talking to her photo. Put it somewhere where you can tell her what has gone on in your day. Might sound daft but I have lost quite few members of my family and still will occasionally talk to a photo of them. Its whatever works for you.
I wish you and you family well for the future. Your Mum will always be in your memories an no-one will take that away.
Sadness runs so deep in our heart and mind I really know what you are going through.
Yesterday (2nd) was 2 months since the death of my eldest son aged 37 and although we buried him in Hull,my home town,in the family plot,I live here in the Yorkshire Dales,so I have a little bench and a flower vase for him,here in the village church yard.
Although I have written poetry since aged 8?,yesterday was the first time I was able to find the strength to pen a little verse for him without crumbling into an emotional heap..I put it on my blogspot with a picture of the bench and vase.
Hope you and all others continue to find this inner strength to continue our love of the lost.
