My dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to the brain
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FormerMember
My 80 year old dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. They found a hug mass in his lung and this has spread to his brain. We have yet to tell dad that he is terminal yet because we wanted him to enjoy his 2 weeks up at the lake cabin. But he is due back next week and we are going to tell him. Here is the tuff part he has also got alzheimers and we lost mom to cancer suddenly 9 months ago. Dad misses mom terrible they were married for 58 years. Here is my issue I am on the fence of what and how much we tell dad. We already have him on steriods we told him it was for his eye site which he has lost in one eye and he was ok then I will take the meds. Then we started giving him cough meds because he is coughing terrible at night. Last Saturday we started a strong pain patch which he said he does not need cause he has no pain but he just does not remember he had pain. This is all to much for me to handle but I am handling it as best I can.
So what do I do be with my sister when she tells dad he is terminal and has maybe 3-6 months left to live or wait til she tells him and then go over to see him. I have a large family and we seem to vote on everything so that we can all agree on what is best to do but like I said I usually stay in the middle. I guess I am just looking for others in the same spot I am in...
FormerMember
Just take it a day at a time and dont tell him [unless he asks] then dont lie to him. Pointless to scare him when you dont need to. As you say he has Altzeimers so he would only forget it anyway. Help him enjoy what time he has left and keep on top of his pain control, keep him comfortable and smile as much as possible. He probably wont ask for a prognosis, so just discreetly help him get his affairs in order and share what time he has left with him.
Thanks Bill we are keeping on top of the pain meds that is for sure. I think when he comes home we will need to put him on oxygen. We have been told by the doctors to bring in hospice to help with the pain management and if this is the case we will need to tell him why strange people are in his house. I guess it is a no win situation that we will just have to deal with day to day like you said. I did so enjoy being with dad in NH all last week and got some great pictures of him relaxing and enjoying the lake. Memories I will enjoy for ever and that is what is important.
I guess the doctors we a little off in what they thought my dad had left. I believe my mom decided she needed him more up in heaven with her. They had been married for 58 years when she died 9months ago. Dad had the best 2 weeks he could possible have had enjoying camp in New Hampshire with wonderful weather family around him. We all wanted him to have a great trip and then we planned on telling him he had cancer. He came home on Saturday from camp 8/8 we had a birthday party for my sister for her 50th that sunday 8/9 in which dad had a great time thinking it was a party for him and we said what the heck let him think it was for him. Monday he was not feeling well with some bloating in his stomach took a pill went to bed and when he got up a couple hours later he told my sister he felt great does not remember he was not feeling well. My sister decided it was time to tell him he had lung cancer that had spread to the brain. He told her she was crazy he felt fine so my sister decided she did what she had to and told him. The next morning he must have went to get up and had a massive stroke and died on his bed. So I guess you just never know when your time has come. Dad is once again with the love of his life and this is what has made this a little bit easier. Good luck and god bless everyone who has to live and suffer thru this dreaded disaese.
