So today I called my new GP for a sick note. The GP Dr Shaw, was very lovely and listened to my concerns and reasons for a sick note. I picked this up at about 5pm. This sick note ends on the 3rd August 2014.

I decided today Cancer is certainly 100% shit. (I did know this before)

Another loved one has been diagnosed with cancer AGAIN just above her breast. I feel for her and her close family.
It isn’t fair.
Cancer 1 – Human race 0

As everybody does, I want the procedure to go smoothly and recovery to go even better. Human nature suggests something won’t go to plan but here is hoping!

I also received a copy of the letter the plastic surgeon sent to my dermatologist. The plastic surgeon has explained the options they gave me at the previous appointment explaining they would use Integra. I have looked into this and it is made up of Shark cartilage and cow collagen! Nice!

This is what I have researched…..”INTEGRA Dermal Regeneration Template is a two-layer skin regeneration system. The outer layer is made of a thin silicone film that acts as your skin’s epidermis. It protects the wound from infection and controls both heat and moisture loss. The inner layer is constructed of a complex matrix of cross-linked fibers. This porous material acts as a scaffold for regenerating dermal skin cells, which enables the re-growth of a functional dermal layer of skin. Once dermal skin has regenerated, the silicone outer layer is removed and replaced with a thin epidermal skin graft. This completes the procedure and leaves you with flexible, growing skin.” Reading it seems like a foreign language but the more I read and the more I research the more I am intrigued in how it is going to work!

So from now until the next stage, it is a case of just plodding on and waiting till the day! I was hoping that this would be done by then as it is my brothers 18th Birthday on the 26th July and we are off to London to celebrate!I am going to let my hair down and not worry too much. We have booked a first class train to go down so I am going to make good use of the free food and relax! :) I can’t wait!

Its strange. I am getting used to seeing it, and looking at it as normal.
My re-dressings will be every three days till my next surgery.

It will be known as new nose day! :)

Today I met the Plastic Surgeon Mr White, he was very professional and a little bit scary!

He explained he had two options.
1 – Skin graft which would be a circular scar with a slightly different skin tone. I would have to have artificial skin attached first then allow this to heal for 4 weeks, and then after healing time, have my own skin graft on top.
2 – Split graft. This would entail a Z shaped scar being made using the skin around the hole. This would mean he would cut area’s from around the hole and manipulate my skin around it.

I am not bothered which one he has to do I just would like this over now!

I won’t know which option I am having until I am on the table and they can see how much loose skin I have. (with being 23 I don’t have much!)

When we told Mr White how I was so worried about the skin graft and scar that was going to be left rather than the cancer he was very blunt and stated “For someone as young as you, you should be grateful you’re still here for having such a rare form of cancer.” – Erm, needless to say this put things into perspective and shut us up!!

I will find out dates from Mr Whites secretary in due course but will be in the next two weeks for sure.

We have been given a lot of bandages to redress the wound ourselves at home which will save us going up to QE every other day :)

So watch this space for the next operation! At least this time I will be asleep! Thank the lord!!:)

Today I got the best news in a while!

THE MARGINS ARE ALL CLEAR! The tests have now come back following full removal and they can now proceed with reconstruction.

I COULDN’T HELP BUT CRY, SMILE, CHEER…… YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its all done!

Now to meet Nick White (Plastic Surgeon) tomorrow for information/dates on reconstruction! :) :) :)

I am so pleased. I couldn’t have done it without the support of my Girlfriend, Mum, Family, and Friends! I am one very lucky lady.

So a 5am start was what was needed for our 8am appointment at QE. This was far too early and I felt half dead!

I went prepared and took us muesli for breakfast in individual tubs, however when we got there, I forgot spoons!! Vital mistake!

We got the bandage changed and the nurse said it looked very healthy and she was pleased with the way it looked.

All appointments down before the big day and we find out the next step!

Tuesday was a lovely day as my younger brother had his end of school prom, I was so proud of him! A good end to a very early start! <3

The brown plaster had come off by morning so we had to change it to avoid infection.

This was scary and we did have a few squabbles due to the stress of changing the bandage! I was terrified!

We managed it and it was probably the best bandage so far! :)
Well done us!

We arrived at QE at 12 Noon, we were out by 12.40pm!

I had my dressing changed and they said it looked really good. They used a brown plaster this time, it didn’t feel as secure this time!

I saw it today, and it didn’t look as bad as I first imagined! I was happier for seeing it and putting my mind at ease.

We only had to pay £2.70 parking! BARGAIN! (in comparison to our £4 plus tickets)

So today was the day. I was dreading the morning going slowly but by the time I had got up and got ready it was time to leave! I couldn’t face much food so had a small bowl of cornflakes.

When we got to the hospital we went to Ambulatory Care. This is where we sat and waited for an hour before being called through to the sub waiting room. This was agonising, and so boring! We weren’t very well prepared as we didn’t think we would be there long. Turns out we should have planned it better! Somebody had bought a DVD player, a thermos flask and magazines! We just had to sit as we hadn’t taken anything other than a peach and breakfast bar!

After 2 hours, we were called through to the ward. To me it looked like a natural disaster had just occurred and beds were crammed into the ward! It looked like chaos, which was kind of a welcomed surprise as was nice to have chaos to focus on rather than what was looming.

The nurse came to check me in who knew nothing about my treatment or why I was here. I explained to her what was going on. She didn’t have the best bedside manner “What has happened to your face?”…… I explained to her what had gone on, and she nodded along. Her response was “You’re a bit young to have that aren’t you?”

After this nurse had visited what can only be described as the crazy theatre nurse lady appeared. She told me I was beautiful and began singing to Sophie “She is Beautiful….no matter what they say”, a Christina Aguilera favourite of mine however didn’t instill much faith as she pranced around, and sang every other sentence to me! We couldn’t help but laugh and be slightly scared she was going to be the nurse who was in theatre with me.

After a short while Dr Martin – Clavijo appeared, the walk towards me seemed to go in slow motion, I can’t put into words my feelings at this point. He didn’t seem jolly as I had hoped and certainly didn’t give me the news I wanted.

He stated this wasn’t going to be my last day of surgery however was going to be further excision. He stated the lump although has not gone wider, it has gone deeper so he would have to scrape all the flesh to the bone. He stated the more he knows about this aggressive lump the more he thinks is Melanoma. This was the first time he had more confirmation about the skin/tissue/lump, whatever it is and referred to it as a certain melanoma.

A short while after I was in the theatre, crying and working myself up.
This was hard to control and some poor bloke felt it whilst I was squeezing his hand and holding me down! It was horrific and I cried for about 2 hours after in pain! Ouchies is all I can say.

Confusing me whilst in surgery was the nurse was also called Ange so everytime they asked for her and shouted “Ange” I answered!

What worried me is every time they mentioned the tissue in my nose they referred to it as Melanoma. They didn’t say query melanoma as they had before……this seems to be the general consensus…….I have Desmoplastic Melanoma

After having 120mg of Codeine things seemed brighter, and this is where I am today…..

Plodding on and smiling.

I now have following appointments at QE Birmingham on Saturday 5th July, Tuesday 8th July and Thursday 10th July!
I swear they think we live next door not 35 mile away!

When with consultants, I never actually remember any of the questions I wanted to ask, I decided (was told to do so) to write myself a list and ask them on Thursday 3rd July. The answers were eating me up so I decided to call them today and ask Helen Williams the lovely and very helpful macmillan nurse all the questions I had.

My findings were as follows:

1. My other moles – I have a particular mole I am worried about. I have never been worried about it before but after hearing the words ‘melanoma’, it makes you nervous about any mole any mark! Helen stated Dr Martin – Clavijo could check this for me but may not be able to do it in theatre but would look at it further in clinic if required.

2. Recovery Period – So I could gauge my recovery time and get myself back to work (I don’t do relaxing well and can’t wait to get back to work!). Helen stated there are two types of recovery, that of which the healing process takes place and that of feeling like yourself. She expects the healing process to be 2-4 weeks, and the time I will feel like myself to be about 2-3 months. I expected this but hearing a professional confirm this made it clear to me.

3. Sick Note – As I don’t take much time off from work (apart from two operations on my nose and 3 removing lumps from elsewhere) I don’t know the best way to get a sick note. Helen stated to ask Dr Martin Clavijo and he can help me with this, if not then I can speak to my GP.

4. Days for follow up appointments – This is a big one so I can have Sophie come with me. Helen stated hopefully following the procedure I will have my stitches out in a week and then maybe a month for a future check up. Helen stated in the meantime anything I needed with regards to recovery my GP practice would help me.

5. Dressings – Having visited the dermatology clinic on a number of occasions, I have seen people with bolster dressings (which look like cotton wool stitched above a wound) and I assumed I would be having this. Helen stated if I don’t need further skin removal then my graft will be stitched into place and help with steri strips and then there will be a small dressing over the top to catch any excess bleeding. Helen advised me that at this point I would be given the next step of recovery advice and wound care. She stated once the stitches have been removed I would have to moisturise the area and care for the area as instructed.

Although these may seem like questions that could have waited, just getting them dealt with and answered has taken a massive weight off my mind.

The questions I have to remember now for tomorrow are, Regular future checks? Other mole checks? When can I wear make-up? Sick Note? Next appointment?

Not a lot to remember whilst feeling flustered, anxious and uncomfy!
Wish me luck!

The dressing by this point looked a mess as it showed up the blood under the tape and began to become loose at the edges.
Although I knew nothing was going to be done today I couldn’t help but become very nervous and this showed by I seemed to be the only person in the waiting room who was having a hot flush! (and I can assure you at age 23, it is not that time of life for me yet!)

After some time we were called through, again when I hear my name my heart POUNDS.

We went through and the nurse didn’t know what I was due in for. So I advised her it was for a dressing change and I hadn’t got any stitches in so it was just to clean the wound.

This was not a horrible experience but it did feel uncomfortable. Sophie saw the wound (I didn’t want another thing to deal with so I avoided it!), she stated it looked deep and angry at edges but this was where they had quarterised it.

I didn’t think I could be so happy with a new bandage on my nose but MY GOD being able to see and not have something jabbing in my eye was honestly a god send!

Now to put up with this for two days before my skin graft! D Day is looming!

I arrived prompt at 10am with Sophie and my mum. We were booked in and took a seat as requested by the booking officer.

After an hour we would hear the nurses asking where Gus was. It was evident he was late into surgery. The wait was agonising! We were trying to make light of the situation we were currently in. This took my mind off things until I heard a lady say…..”Angela Williams”.

I shot up and my heart rate went up considerably! I kissed both my loved ones goodbye and walked with the nurse. I felt surprisingly calm and although I knew what was coming up would not be nice I didn’t feel too nervous.

Without going through the procedure, it took roughly 25-30 minutes under local anesthetic. The worst part for me was the injections for the anesthetic and the numb feeling over my whole face.

I was given some basic instructions on how to care for the wound and some leaflets.
I was advised to not let me heart rate increase through strenuous exercise, to not bend forward and to rest whilst at home.

I was given a follow up appointment of the 1st July 2014 at 2pm for a redressing at QE.

This was supposed to be my last day at work for a few days, but at around 3pm, I got a call stating that my surgery for the 11th June 2014 had been cancelled and I would have to rearrange the appointment. This devastated me, and I broke down in the middle of work. My rearranged date was the 27th June 2014 :) 

I was hopeful this would go ahead! 

Now the task was to keep busy at every spare moment to stop me mulling things over!! 

I met the plastic surgeon along with Gus and the Macmillan Nurse Helena. 

I believe Gus had done this as a reassurance of although I will have a scar for a short while, if I do not like the appearance of the surgery after 6 months I can have full reconstructive surgery with the plastic surgeon. 

The plastic surgeon backed up what Gus had said and stated he felt this was the best surgery and option to take to minimise scarring. 

I felt very emotional confirming the surgery but also relieved and safe in the competencies of the Dermatology team at Queens Hospital Birmingham. 

My partner came with me to meet Dr Augustin Martin-Clavijo.

We met Gus, and he asked me as to what we knew about the current situation I was in. I advised him I was informed about a type of surgery called Moh’s but had no further information and didn’t know exactly what this entailed.

Gus explained he had not had the reports back with regards to the lump and the tests but was waiting on them. He stated he has two reports that contradict each other. One is melanoma, the other is a fibrous lump. Due to his uncertainty he was going to conduct Moh’s to remain on the safe side and ensure the lump is not cancerous.

Gus explained what Moh’s surgery entailed and detailed the following “Mohs surgery is a precise surgical technique used to treat skin cancer. During Mohs surgery, layers of cancer-containing skin are progressively removed and examined until only cancer-free tissue remains. Mohs surgery is also known as Mohs micrographic surgery.” He explained this would entail having a skin graft.

I asked him what would happen if I didn’t have this surgery done. His response to me was, “Do you want me to be honest?….”, I nodded. He stated “You could die.”

I wasn’t quite expecting such a blunt response…..!

I didn’t realise how vain I was until I was told I may have to have a skin graft on my nose! However much the lovely people around me tell me I will still be beautiful and still look good in their eyes, it doesn’t make me feel any less conscious or uncomfortable with the prospect.

Having had this appointment the only thing ringing around my head whilst driving home was the words ‘skin graft’. My girlfriend put this into perspective and stated….you do realise he did say the word Melanoma, right?

I am a lucky lady who has so many people around me who are supportive and send me endless love <3

It was just over 3 years ago when in Prestatyn that my girlfriend found a small lump on my nose. Up until this point, it didn’t bother me too much as I hadn’t noticed it before and didn’t feel like this was going to cause me any problems.

However you know what its like, once you notice something the more you see it and monitor things. Over the next year I noticed it grew and soon began to become painful. It wasn’t long after until I decided I would need to go to the doctor to look into this further.

After countless appointments at UHNS, and a biopsy I was told that actually nobody knew what it was but it would have to be extracted to be fully tested.

After extraction nobody still knew what this lump was and I was told I was simply a medical marvel. They sent this extracted lump to be tested in Birmingham, London, and to all the top consultants in the country, none of which could clarify the type of lump.

So far I have had two operations under General Anesthetic for this lump, and this is the point I was referred to Birmingham Queen Elizabeth Hospital……….