New to this

Hi Andy, I'm new to this too, but certainly understand the despair you feel as a carer.  My 15 year old daughter was diagnosed with an adolescent bone cancer last Feb. She's just finished treatment and we hope for the best.  I can't help you with the drugs you talk about as my daughter has a different kind of cancer, but only as somebody who knows the horror of watching somebody you love so much suffer with this vile disease.  

From your post you sound very fragile - I've felt like that on many occasions and it's so normal.  I have found that the only way to cope is to make sure that you try really hard to look after yourself.  Your kids are teenagers and I think they cope by just trying to get on with life as normal.  It doesn't mean they don't care, it's just what they do at that age.

My advice would be to get some anti depressants from the GP in the first instance - just to give yourself a bit of a mental break.  This is a horrid horrid situation and any normal human being needs some help.  Also take all the counselling, massage, stress release therapy you can.  You need to look after yourself if you are going to be strong for your wife and your children.  Hope this helps - all the love in the  World.

Hi

Use this site and the chat room to off load the things that keep going around and around in your head... it really helps and no matter who is online or in chat... they are there because cancer is in their life as a patient or carer... we all cope differently and your choice is right for you... so feel free to research, asks questions and make notes... I did this when my son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder last May. He is having treatment for skin cancer and at 16 this is not easy for him.

I have just lost my Dad to cancer [14 April] and I wonder how this can have happened so soon... I suppose handling things as they are thrown at us is part of what makes us who we are... be there for your children and as you will know they will express how they feel to their peers and maybe you could get them to look at the teen section on here... I did that with my teenagers just left the teen site open on the family computer one day... if I can offer any advice - answer questions they ask honestly and provide details don't filter too much out... they will feel more in control knowing they are kept informed - not knowing can have awful after effects. Also sharing how you feel with them gives them 'permission' to feel angry, sad or lonely too... being able to share with them will help you all through this difficult time. Your lovely wife will see her family working together as a team to keep each other safe and well... then she can concentrate on getting the best from her treatment plan and getting to spend time with you all again...

Please feel free to keep in touch... although I am no dugs expert or have experience of your wife's cancer - I can offer support online....

Jules xx

Hi Andy,

Just sending love to you and your family. My mum is two years on from a surprise diagnosis of colon cancer with mets to her liver.

I am glad you are able to reach out and let others who understand support you.

Love court

Thank you so much for the comments-

Haivng  read your stories my  feelings really go out to you--to watch somebody that you love go through so much pain andnot be able to do anything is soul destroying and against everything that as a human being you strive for---Your stories really are inspiring for me ---Jules to have lost your dad and to be here offering comfort to me--thank you so much and for you to have to cope with your son's cancer has really made me sit up

Aoife---I was numb when I read your reply--i cannot imagine the pain that you have gone through with your daughter--I have discussed the anti depressants route with my GP as I have suffered from depression in the past--I ronically my wife is a hypnotherapist and she helped me get off them--I am struggling on at the moment but have fortnightly appointments with my GP to discuss feelings---she believes--and I agree that I am suffering from grief(just writing that feels odd)

-I have realised since  my wife(also called Jules) fell ill that to all intents and purposes she was the primary care giver with the children and I was the guy who worked long hours ---that has all turned around and I am trying to do this whilst having the "dark " thoughts that have accompanied her diagnosis----I am lucky as my work have been great to the extent that they are letting me work from home for as long as it takes which means I can be here for her and the children--I think I am still trying to do as much as I can that I did before but all remotely--Still  got that one to wrestle with I think--I will be going into hospital with her on Wednesday where we will have the second round of treatment rolled out to us --Jules stays in overnight and I come home to look after the boys--my sister in law offered to take them for the night but I just couldn't bear to be alone

I am just pouring thoughts out now randomly--i'd better stop as I need to check on how she is in bed---thank you for reading this and taking the time to reply--I really really appreciate it

thanks for the thoughts court----I hope you mum is doing well--I really appreciate you taking the time to post here--my thoughts and good wishes are reciprecated back to you

Andy