It seems all the more sad when we lose friends over the Christmas and New Year period but that is what has happened to some wonderful people on here.
The loss of a loved one is so difficult and you never forget their passing. And it takes time to be able to remember them, their faces, their laughter and their funny quirks without the tears coming. But we all do get there in the end.
The first time I lost someone so close to me was my dad when I was just 12 and he was just 44. Although that was a long time ago, I can still remember the moment I was told. My mum coming into my bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed to tell me. I didn't cry, I was too numb and, frankly, too young to really understand or put it into perspective. Now I don't mean that I couldn't understand what death was. I couldn't understand what it would mean to me and my family.
Our problem as a family is that we never talked about it. The death of my dad was a non subject. Whether it was for everyone or just me I'm not sure but I certainly didn't grieve for my dad in any meaningful way.
That is, not until about 35 years later after seeing a councillor who quite simply gave me back my childhood. She was tough. She made me talk about his death. Made me cry. Made me get angry with my dad for leaving me (!!) Well I was just 12 and that just shouldn't happen.
Now, as I enter into another year on this planet, a year of CT scans, results and hopefully nothing more than just repeats of this, I can cry when I want to. I can smile at thoughts of my dad. I can remember things that I haven't thought about in years. That time he told me that we were going on a walking holiday and would walk 20 miles each day (he was joking), the time he taught me to develop and print my own photographs over the kitchen sink. The times he let me come to work with him so that I could sit on the floor and do drawings.
The memories are always sweet but I do so miss him. Would love him to have know my own children. Would love him to have know my wonderful T. Would love to have a hug from him.
So folks out there. Life can be tough and at times very very tough. But we need to make the most of it, enjoy every minute we have. Do not suffer fools. Don't be scared to love and be loved. Yep it will hurt when we loose our loved ones but life would have been a great deal less wonderful without having that love in the first place.
Our festive break is now over and we are back at work now. But let us all remember to enjoy 2010 as best we can. Support each other. Count to 10 before snapping at someone (although we do have a good excuse to rant when ever we want to!). Give those hugs. Send cyber ones to those you can't meet in person and remember that the carers often have it harder than us patients.
Now back to work, that is unless I did win the lottery this weekend....
Andrew xxx
