Thoughts from the frontline - 29

After feeling so bad on Thursday (I know - self inflicted) I decided to have a restful Friday. A day of doing, well, nothing really. So I had breakfast then had a shower ready to start the day. Shower done I collected all my required supplies and set about changing my stoma bag. Now, it had been recommended that I change my bag every other day so that was the current frequency maintained since leaving hospital and I was getting quite good at it. That was until this morning. Sadly I forgot to apply the special "skin protector" wipe to the area that the bag needed to stick to. This wipe not only seals and protects the skin but also provides a nice flat sealed surface for the bag to stick too. But today I forgot to apply it. And so I went downstairs with a happy smile on my face to catch up on some of the TV I had recorded. (I had still been able to stay away from the Jeremy Kyle Show). But two minutes later I felt this dribble on my stomach. "What's that?" I thought to myself. Oh bum! Bum. Bum. BUM!!!! I instantly realised what it was and within a second realised what I had forgotten to do. And so it was a climb upstairs again and a repeat of the bag changing process but this time remembering to use the skin seal towelette. So A was a bit pissed off. Or pissed onto rather! Never mind, first mistake on doing my bag and at least I caught it whilst at home. Much much better than if I had gone straight out for a walk and ended up getting a long damp stain down my trousers during my outdoors trip! And just as I came downstairs after sorting myself out, the doorbell rang and my mate Roger had come to see me. And he had brought presents. Knowing that I need stimulus but also knowing that I was not quite yet in the mood to write my own version of War and Peace or paint my version of the Laughing Cavalier he had brought me two DVD's. The first was the brilliant old Ealing Comedy "Kind Hearts & Coronets" plus the first whole series of "All Quiet on the Preston Front." Brilliant choices. Good stuff to keep us amused over the bank holiday weekend! Now Roger stayed with me for ages and we talked about, well, not a lot but everything. I'm sure you know what I mean. Man talk. A bit like women's talk but less bitching perhaps? ;-) Well, anyway, Roger was still with me when T came home from work early afternoon. And so the day poodled on with me doing nothing and T doing lots. I felt guilty about sitting there with her waiting on me hand and foot but less guilty that if I did something that I wasn't supposed to and then being told off! It can be tough at times. I just so want to get back to normal but I know I have to take it slowly or it will be a case of one step forwards and three steps back. I need to be good so that it was three steps forward and only one step back. And so I took my verbal telling off later that afternoon about the eccles cake incident with humility and decided not to explain that Roger had offered to pop out earlier and get me some more... So we quickly came to Friday night and once again I wondered wether or not I would get a good nights sleep. At present I was waking up by about 2am and taking ages to get back to sleep. Often being awake until about 5 or 6 am before drifting off again for another snatched hour. Well tonight I had a plan. When I did wake up I was aware of a nagging pain on my insides, residues of the operation as my body was undergoing the healing process but it was there and seemed to wake me up when I was not sleeping heavily, The pain was hardly noticeable during the day as I had other things to occupy the mind but at night it was strong enough to wake me up and then keep me awake. And so it was back on the painkillers. I had been off them for about 5 days but tonight I would take them again just before I went to bed. And fingers crossed then seemed to work, I fell sleep within 10 minutes and slept for about six hours straight through. Yippie!! Saturday dawned and I told T that I wanted to go out. I needed fresh air and my eyes needed to be able to see some new things. Most importantly my brain needed refreshing, stimulating and being used. So, off to town we went and this time I was going to walk round the shops. And it was great! Fun. Holding hands with T. Smiling with the sun illuminating the streets, shops and shoppers. Smiling faces on most people and to them I was just another person on the street. Result. I was not my illness. I did not have a label saying "please keep clear, cancer patient here". I was just me. :-) But it wasn't too long before I started to get tired and I knew it was time for a rest so we stopped off for a coffee and a read of the papers. I'm glad that they were free ones in the coffee shop as within a few seconds I remembered again why I HATE the Daily Mail. 3 articles related to the NHS and all about how bad it is. Bloody evil people. They should be shot! A walk back to the car whilst T did a final bit of shopping in Waitrose that we needed for the weekend then it was off on the drive home for a rest for the afternoon. But it had been great to get out. Must do it again and soon. But an interesting evening was to be looked forward too. Our friends Bret and Geraldine were coming over and had offered to cook us a meal. Bret was to be the chef and they brought over just about every thing they needed. We just supplied the plates, cutlery and condiments. They provided prawn cocktail as started, monkfish in a light batter with veg and followed up with a crumble and custard. Alongside the great chats and wine we had a fantastic time and about five hours went in the flick of an eye. Some friends just are fab and should be bottled so that everyone can have them! Bret and Geraldine - free on the NHS!!!! And so I was very knackered when we went off bed (after watching the recording of the XFactor - I just love the really bad auditions!). Wanting a good nights sleep I took my two painkillers before climbing into bed. I'd had a great day. One of the best since leaving hospital. Things were getting better. I know I was just on the first stages of my journey but I felt able to smile with a genuine feeling of "okness" in my head. I know I will have some bad days but I also know that I will have many good days. Roll on meeting the consultant next Friday to get the results from the path lab work following the surgery. I would then be able to start the next stage of my fight against this bloody cancer. Whatever I would be told could not take away from me these days I have with my great family and friends and my very very special T who I love with all my heart, so much that it hurts, and everyday I will enjoy the happiness that I can and try and put into perspective those crap happenings, days or nights. Basically, long live me! ;-) Andrew xxx