So I had been home for just two whole days and I was already stir crazy so the idea of a day out at the shops was a treat that couldn't come soon enough.
But it started badly...
Now the planning was great. A wheelchair had been booked at the local shopping centre and a mid event meet up with family had been arranged. What could go wrong? Well, me being a tad scared is what could go wrong. Now remember that this was my first trip out since coming out of hospital. My first trip out and away from the safety of my ward or home. My first trip out as someone with a stoma bag glued to my stomach. What should I take for the trip? How much of my new "stuff" would I need? What if I had to suddenly change my bag and things went wrong? What if...? What if...?
So, I picked up one of my little blue boxes filled with stoma bags, adhesive release spray, small blue plastic bags for disposals, a handful of towelettes and a selection of skin protection wipes. I was ready. Nervous but ready. Then the problem started as T asked me "Do we need to take all that stuff? Why not just a smaller selection that I can keep in this little bag in my handbag?" I could feel the rage rising up my spine. Didn't she know that was not what I needed to hear? "No, I need it all" I say through gritted teeth. "But why?" she said.
I could hear the tone of my voice change as I tried to explain why she was wrong and I was right. Whilst I knew that I was being totally stupid I just couldn't help myself. It was as if Mr Intolerant had taken over my mind and my body. Of course T was right but I could only back down after a great huff and sulk as we even talked about canceling the trip out to the shops. Oh well, the joys of post operation madness!!!
As you can imagine the car journey to the shops was mostly done in silence and to make sure it would be remembered we even took the back way so that we could experience all the many potholes and bumps rather than using the flat motorway. :-) But we were talking when we arrived at the shopping centre and parked up in the reserved spaces for visitors to the Shopmobility offices. I only had to walk to the lift and then around the corner to pick up my wheelchair but my mind/body decided that this little walk was going to be more difficult that the walks I had done round the ward four days ago. Maybe it was just the fear factor, maybe it was the worry about my trousers falling down based on the fear of not doing a belt up tight around my wound scar. So I waddled my way there. Such a sorry sight!
But I was soon in love the the guys at Shopmobility. Filled in a form to become a member I was offered an upgrade from a wheelchair to a motorised scooter as they thought it would be better for me and make me more independent. So it was a four wheeled chariot that I was given a quick course in and then a quick test to make sure I was in control an unlikely to run other people over with. And we were off!
6 miles an hour seemed very very fast so I made sure the dial was set to minimum as we started our shopping trip. Don't want to kill too many people on my first outing! But I soon got used to it and even turned the dial slightly to the right to increase my top speed. I liked this and T and I had even said sorry to eat other for being so tetchy earlier. The day was going to be fun after all.
Zoom. Zoom. Zoom i went. Popping inside HMV on my own as T took some things back to Next. Now that was fun. Easing ny little chariot between the isles of cd's and dvd's was a challenge and not a thing knocked over! Although it was a pain to have to wait at times before people realised that I needed them to move out of the way so that I could get passed. But most people were very helpful and smiled as they stepped aside. I wondered if I should take up shoplifting now that I had my gettaway scooter?
Well it wasn't long before I parked up outside Starbucks ready for our coffee with T's mum and aunt. A nice break from weaving around peoples legs.
Refreshed, T and I continued on our shopping expedition and we even stopped off in the new Cargo's to buy cushions and dried flowers which were now crammed into the baskets and bags attached to my scooter. I was a motorised shopping trolley! We even went over to the new Sainsbury's to see what it was like and buy a few things for the rest of the weekend.
This was being fun and I was so glad that my earlier sulking hadn't cancelled the day. And we even took the motorway route back home after we had returned the scooter to the great folks at Shopmobility.
But what did surpise me was how exhausting the trip had been. When we got home all I could do was to flop into the chair and soon fall asleep. I must remember that even the smallest things will now take it out of me. But it had been worth it :-)
At least Sunday was going to be a bit more sedate as nothing had been planned except for an afternoon visit from my son Phil and his girlfriend Becca. Not the best night's sleep but Sunday morning saw a much happier A. And I even took a short stroll up to the local shop mid morning to pick up the Sunday paper. Just about 150 yards each way, not too much strain but enough to get the body working. And as the sun was shining I sat in the garden to read the papers.
Life was good and yes, I would cope with what the future would, could or might, throw at me.
Phil and Becca arrived and the sun was still shining so we all sat out in the garden as we talked about life in general. A bit about me, us and the future but also a lot about other things, normal things. Four people talking. Not three people and a sick person talking. It felt good.
But then the wave came over me. No pre-warning. I just suddenly felt tired and hot outside under the sun even thought I was actually sitting in the shade. "I'm sorry, can we go inside now" I have to say.
Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ok I thought to myself. And I tried hard but after a while I was glad when the visitors left and I could crash out. I am just amazed how exhausting doing very little is. It's hard to get that balance between rest and enough exercise to help the body heal itself but I did remember what I had been told. Listen to your body and rest when you need to. Do not push it and all will be ok. Wise words indeed.
Andrew xx
