There will always be glitter.....

I am stunned by the speed of it all, I went to the breast clinic last wednesday 12th August 2009 thinking it was nothing serious, just a fatty mass or those damned over active milk ducts again! 3 hours, a scan and 2 fine needle biopsies later I have been told its almost certainly cancer and I am having an operation on the 15th September, crying and clutching my very sore breast because the pathologist hit a nerve! and my little orange breast cancer booklet I was the last one in the clinic. I have no idea how I got home that drive is a total blurrr. I had to phone the breast care nurse on the friday to confirm what was said to me, asked her how sure they were that it was cancer! She said they were very sure and very worried by the results in the clinic, something about grading the cells 0-5 mine were/are a 4!? I have had some really dark moments, but I have been more positive than negative, some people keep saying how brave I am, I don't feel brave, I just dont have a choice, I have to keep going, I dont have time to be ill, I start a new job on the 1st sept! These 3 weeks were supposed to be a holiday, I was going to go away on a retreat and learn how to relax and be me! We become very knowledgable very fast with this disease don't we? I want to know everything I can, the worst moment was the 1st scan, the doctor turned the screen away and said nothing, I was really quite cross about that. It's me this is about how dare you exclude me! I do glitter tattooing and face painting at weekends, my 12 year old daughter asked "if you loose your hair mummy can I put a glitter tattoo on your head?" Of course she can lol if all else fails there is always glitter.