Starting chemo on thursday, first lot of bloods tomorrow, even though I have had mastectomy this feels like the real start of the fight. It's the not knowing how you will cope with the chemo or how it will affect you, definitely the fear of the unknown.
I am supposed to be keeping a video diary and on line blog for GMTV but I have no idea where to start, they have said I can do it on my terms and at my own pace, but at the moment I dont know what that is!
I am kinda numb, the feeling is coming back I am getting snappy and angry with my kids, I know its not fair on them. My youngest is being a star but my 14 year old is being her usual ignorant, bloody minded, self, even me having breast cancer has not had any impact on her, believe me I know her better than anyone and she really couldnt care less. I know people will say she is probably deeply affected by what is happening, but I know she doest give a flying f**k! She is as badly behaved now as she was before this happened!
When I was interviewed last week on telly Lorraine Kelly said "what a comfort you girls must be" all my friends nearly choked on their coffee and tea lol!
Why is it than when the going gets tough kids can make the going tougher? Don't get me wrong I love my girls dearly, the 12 year old is being great but the 14 year old is making this whole cancer thing harder to deal with and when you are a single parent its hard enough without cancer thrown in the mix.
I am sorry this makes me sound bitter, but I needed to air my angst............!!!!!!!!!!
