I was told I had cancer during a neck biopsy procedure on 29th October 2019. However I though this moment should have played out, this wasn’t it. In TV programmes and films you are summoned into an office, told to take a seat and soothingly informed by a doctor that ‘they have some bad news to tell you’. In my case, the radiologist simply asked me if I was aware my lymph nodes were abnormally long, proceeded to take some samples from my neck using a clicking device then told me a course of chemotherapy would probably be required but not to worry as the outcomes for this type of cancer were very good. The whole process took no longer than 15 minutes and was one of the strangest moments of my life. I was then dispatched to a recovery room, given a cup of tea and a biscuit and left to think about it. Numbness prevented few clear thoughts from formulating, but I knew my life had changed for good.
A diagnosis of non-Hodgkin lymphoma was confirmed a week later on 06th November during a hospital appointment where I met the consultant who would be looking after me. She told me what the tissue sample analysis from the neck biopsy indicated and explained it was likely I had been carrying the cancer around with me for years, it was slow growing and had seemingly decided to make its presence felt now. My lack of surprise was noted and when I told her why that was, her reaction suggested the radiologist may have overstepped his remit during the neck biopsy.
It is difficult to describe how I felt after being given the news. I suppose the best way to put it is that there was a mixture of shock, numbness, fear, anger and perhaps a little bit of subconsciously hoping it would just go away. It was not a surprise as I will explain later and at no stage did I break down or let it consume me. I’m a practical person and approach things in an organised way, so my first thoughts on receiving the diagnosis were ‘who to tell’ and ‘how to tell them’. Different people will react in different ways when confronted with this situation, but what I wanted more than anything else was to get things moving as quickly as possible. I also felt a sense of relief in finally being told what was wrong with me after a long period of feeling unwell without knowing why.
