2 days ago I was told I have breast cancer, I only went for the checks to be on the safe side after finding a lump, I'm only 36 so what were the chances of that? I couldn't help that think they had the wrong person when they told me, I'm happy go lucky Marie this doesn't happen to me it happens to my parents generation, but the Macmillan nurse told me to prepare myself for next weeks appointment for a treatment plan and discussion, I didn't even realise it was a Macmillan nurse until my friend told me after.. again I was shocked, why was a Macmillan nurse talking to me? Aren't they there to help sick people... I'm fine!!!! Well anyway 2 days later my friends and family seem to be doing alot of crying around me, so I keep laughing and telling them to stop being silly. I'm dreading next wednesdays appointment because when they tell me if and how bad it is and what treatment I need i'm afraid it might all get a little too real. And on wednesday after the appoinment I've arranged to see my mum who I haven't told yet, I'm dreading this most because she suffers severely with depression and a drink problem and i've always been her rock, the person she leans on when stuff gets to tough in her world and I keep looking into forums of how tough the time ahead might be and i'm not sure i'll be able to be her rock anymore and if she breaks down will I cope? so for now until next wed's I'm shrinking back into my lovely little place called denial.
