hi everyone im new and would appreciate advise and support. my dear mum has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, it is also in her bones, lungs and liver. so not good. it seems to have appeared in the last few weeks. back in june it was discovered that she had cancer in her womb which they took away (along with her womb, overies and lining) mum said she is far too old to have more children so take it away! (she is 66) a follow up check said all cancer was gaone and no further treatment required. phew that was a relief. three weeks later mum started wheezing and was very breathless. she had a slight pain in her side. drs checked and sent her to hospital as they thought it might be a blood clot. a week of tests in hospital they advised no blood clot just cancer! my lovely dear mum remains upbeat and unphazed. but i am scared! how do i cope without her? how can i stay strong for her when all i want to do is cry and get angry. why my mum? my mum has looked after my 12 yr old daughter while i work so they have such a close relationship. my daughter is too young to suffer heart break. xxx
FormerMember
Hello babes,
I think we are in a similar boat. My lovely Mum has lung cancer at the mo and is having treatment. Its all quite positive at the moment, but I'm a realist and these things never completely go away do they? Life will never be the same again.
Most people are fortunate enough to have their Mums inot their 40's and 50's, sometimes beyond. I am 30yrs old and I cant get my head round losing my Mum. Like you I wonder if I could ever live without her. I swing from hope to anget to sorrow on an almost hourly basis at the moment! Its crap being so out of control, not being able to do anyting to help the situation. I guess we can just be there for our Mums as much as possible. I was given advice by a friend to show my emotions and let her know how much I care. I figure at least I get the opportunity to say a lot of things and time to create some more lovely memories.
I'm here for you hun for as much support as I can offer. Stick around, the people here are so lovely. Its been a great help to me already. xx
Hi sweetheart - how bloody awful for you. It's heartbreaking watching someone you love fight this disease, so I know how you feel from that angle. From a me angle; I have small cell lung cancer which has spread to the bones, though the jury is still out on whether it has got to my liver, but I think it has. It's inoperable, and they say they can contain it - for how long? Who knows? I reacted in the same way as everyone else I guess, when you first discover you have cancer, there seem to be stages we go through; disbelief, denial, anger, fear and oh a million other emotions that run through you. Then I think we ALL manage something quite astonishing - we find our own place of peace and calm, from where we go into "fighting mode", and THAT'S what gets us through each day, ready to face whatever is thrown at us. I know your dear Mum is 66 (I'm 55), but just because your Mum is that age, never doubt her human spirit - the will to live inside us, is indeed a force to be reckoned with. I know there will be times when all you want to do is sit down and sob your heart out - it's only natural after all, this disease is threatening your lovely Mum, but from somewhere you will find the strength needed to help your Mum through. You being angry is also natural and whilst you have to deal with these feelings yourself, you're not alone - you have a beautiful daughter, who may only be 12, but children can be very resilient. I guess everyone would like to protect their child from the heartbreaks of life, especialy when they are so young, but sadly they can't and neither can you sweetheart. There is also your Dad, who will need someone to be there for him too, and I know this is an awful lot to be placed on your shoulders, I have the feeling that you WILL find what you need to get you all through this terrible time. Please tell your lovely Mum that I said hello, and tell her I'm delighted to hear that she remains "upbeat". Please let us know how you and your Mum get along, ok? with lotsa love kate xxxxxxxxxxx
Horrible news and tough for you all. You think you'll never cope with it all but you can and you will. Once the shock and hurt has worn off a bit, you'll just get on and deal with it. Let's face it, love, what choice do you have?
We're all here when you fancy a moan or a cry or to let off steam. Your mum is upbeat and strong so don't drag her down with negative thoughts. It might not turn out to be as bad as you imagine. There's a lot you can do to help your mum and doing something will make you feel better. Trust me - my late husband had cancer and I looked after him for years. You really do get used to it and you learn to enjoy every good day that comes along. (And you rant and scream and weep at the bad days - but healthy people have bad days as well!)
And as for your little girl, Kate's right, kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. So don't keep anything from her. Let her be a part of all this and I bet you'll be pleased and proud at how well she copes.
had a lovely day out shopping with my mum yesterday. stuck her in the wheelchair, and away we went! we had lots of positive chats about things that should be sorted now rather than later, feels weird having these conversations but.......it was quite theraputic in a strange way.
we bumped into a friend of hers and she managed to tell them about her illness but admitted she found it hard to hold back the tears. can breakdown in tescos!!!
mum was exhausted afterwards but she slept well last night. i didnt tho! too much information and many questions unanswered. but i guess these will get answered eventually.
i am glad that i joined this site i will keep in touch.
There you go, Ali, you're taking positive steps already. Good for you. It doesn't look as if your mum's going to lie down and die anytime soon and it's great that you've been able to talk about a few important things. Keep the lines of communication open and try to carry on as normally as poss. I hope you don't have too many sleepless nights - have a milky drink before bedtime with a stiff side order of brandy or whatever you fancy.
Best wishes to you and your most excellent mum, Shelagh
