Hi People
been looking at this for half hour now the title that is ,deciding wether or not to continue .had a little cry to , see not only you women that cry, going down hill again you see.not been work since wed. with going London had good two days there plenty to say and more important plenty to tell it to.Came home full of it went to chat to tell you all about it and no chat.Bummer.been up for 38 hours now you see i may not have said a lot on chat but knowing i could calmed me and then could go bed . will get better when go work tuesday i think but being alone since getting home not good .may have been better if mac had answered email ok there is probably no one there dont do me much good .will have a go at what i did before meeting you all go back to Jo at samaritans thuoght i had done with them.I may be just feeling sorry for my self trouble is when like this dont really know that do we.bought a giant pack of tissuses today while shoping never done that before preminision eh!.lol you would not think you could get so attatched to folk that you have never met in such a short time would you or be so upset when that is taken away well i wouldnt have .Only ever felt this low once before my grandson was only two weeks old and was taken to hospital with brochule pnumonia they thought he was going to die two weeks thats all never cried so much or prayed so much in my lfe hes 19 now .Going to see mac nurse in morning have a talk supose it may help not same as you lot though god im pissed off might be better off if i was a drinker then at least could get drunk haaaaaaa!. Alot of you have gone through a graet deal more than i have and may be thinking whats up with him at least hes in remission and dont blame you if you do but as we say on chat were all victims of this bloody monster and it takes different folk different ways . any way its all your fault that i am writing this if were not for you would never had the nerve to tell any one this so thanks for that lol.Have to keep stoping to roll a fag smo;ing loads as well 5or 6 an hour at moment .you know when first came home from hospital used to write long letters to myself how daft is that.i am ging to sleep tonight got some night nurse so take a big drink it makes you sleep had it before . kmow whats on tele at moment the new mac advert funny eh!dont know about a blog this could turn into a book no i think thats it for now if here may say more tomoz after seen nurse bye lots of love to all take care Alanxxxxxxxx
