December is turning out to be a very difficult month, no tree up, no shopping done and today is the 11th! Oh I know I have time but I don't have the inclination, that's the problem.
I actually forget on a daily basis that it is nearly Christmas, most days I wake up and struggle to remember what day it is! This is something that no one tells you.. your memory goes when you are grieving, some say it returns yet others report it doesn't...only time will tell.
I am going through the 'firsts' at the moment, the 'this time last year' moments. 7th December 2012 diagnosed with terminal cancer, I never ever thought for one moment when we were told this that it would kill him! How bloody crazy is that??
Fast approaching the anniversary of the radiotherapy that didn't make a difference just caused severe exhaustion, then the blood transfusion that made no difference, then the chemo that made no difference...you get the picture. Some days I have good days where I can get on almost 'normal' which is good as most people seem to have forgotten now anyway.
My wedding anniversary is February 14th but he isn't here to celebrate the 1st one or any of them, I will mark the day somehow.
I am slowly learning to live a life alone, getting used to doing things for myself. My garden has been transformed as it was something we were going to do this year so I have carried on and had the work done, Doug would have loved it.
One problem I now have is getting the lights put in that he would have done...that's the problem being married to the best electrician I have ever come across, no one else can do it or if they can I don't trust them.
Hey ho roll on Spring x
