Advanced lung cancer - honest advice needed

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

1 Oct 2010

Hello

I found out at the weekend my Dad's lung cancer can't be cured and that it has now spread beyond the lung. It is quite a difficult situation: we were estranged for twelve years (never my or my sister's choice) and the weekend was the first time I had seen him since I was 16. Secondly, I don't really think he is accepting the prognosis and because of the estrangement, I am not really in a position to start probing too deeply into his prognosis. If any body has any knowledge or advice on the following, I would really appreciate it:

His cancer is terminal and the cancer has spread from his lungs to his stomach and we suspect his spine.

He was meant to start chemo last week to stop the cancer spreading so quickly. He has told me his specialist/Oncologist (I'm assuming that is his type of specialist) has said he won't be having chemo now and that he is to go back to see the specialist in two months. My Dad has told us this is because he doesn't need chemo yet, I believe this is because it is now too late for chemo. Why would he wait two months when we already know it has spread Can anyone confirm whether or not this is the case?

I have asked my Dad what his prognosis is but says he doesn't know but he is well enough to wait for chemo for two months. I think he is in denial over how poorly he is.

He is 62 now and I have been told by a close friend he has deteriorated quickly. He has trouble walking now (his legs are very sore and he has permanently swollen feet, ankles joints etc).

He has smoked 60 a day for the last 45 years and is still smoking. His mother died of suspected smoking related lung cancer.

If anybody could give me honest advice on the chemo situation and any sort of indication how long he has left I would appreciate it, however bleak. I realise it differs from person to person, but I am at a loss of how to go about this. I have my own suspicion it isn't long, but my sister and I really would do with some sort of honest prognosis. My Dad doesn't want us speaking to his doctor and I have to respect his wishes. I will not push the subject, given the previous estrangemen, as I want to make the most of the time I have with him.

Sorry for the sob story, I just wanted to put this into context as it is a difficult situation. It is a very hard time but I need to know what to expect and I don't know who to speak to.

Best,

Lauren

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Lauren, i am so sorry about your dad. I can give you my experience with having a parent with lung cancer. You may want to read my blog but i'll tell you anyway. My mum was diagnosed in April this year with Lung cancer but to shield us from the upset, she told us it was bone cancer and that it could be treated. About 3 weeks after her diagnosis, she started had intense RT for a week and then they started her on chemo. She was in a lot of pain and it was very difficult seeing her like this.

In July my mum said that the hospital were stopping her chemo as it was making her ill, she never once told us that it was because her cancer had totally spread to her spine and bones. On the 31st July i rang an ambulance for her as she was very unwell and that was the last time she spoke to me as sadly she passed away on the 5th August at the age of 62.

She just didn't want to tell us the extent of her cancer as she wanted to protect us but i wish i had known. I did keep probing and reading up about things but she always closed up.

I really hope you get some answers from your dad, i suppose its their way of protecting us and not having to face up to it. I hope i havent upset you but you did want honesty. Take care luv and we are all here for you.

Sarah xx
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