5 months since diagnosis and it still hasnt sunk in!!!!!

Hi Mate - Wow ! Not sure I have the words - but would like to help if I can - First thing is you are not alone - either in you DX or feelings - We all go through several stages and get there at our own pace so never feel you aare being pushed !

The forast is the denial - they have made a mistake - Cancer only happens to other people not me !! - almost the reverse of the lottery - but remember 1 in 3 of us will be there !!

The next - OK its real - but feel numb - most of what we are told of staging and grades just go over our heads - still not sure its real - but maybe getting a bit of a sick feeling in the pit of your stomache ?

You want me to go on ?

Please trust the treatment and Operation  you have been offered - we only go though the first stages once our selves - the consultand and nurses see it every day of their life - they really do know what they are doing and they want the best possible result almost as much as you !

OK - That was me being Nice and that does not come easy !! Now the hard Love bit!!  

You have found the best site ever to offer information support and love to you ! - Use it ! - its your turn to open up - there is nothing you are feeling or going through that a hundred others on here have not been through! - not trying to minimise your fears or worries - or even say life is a bowl of roses - but why not turn to your mates and open up - ok maybe some tears and yes even feel your emotions have been stripped naked - but it is your life we are talking about !

So you ready to ask for help or just that bit too independant ?

Hugs mate

John xx

Hi john ,yeah i think i need help but am also trying to be independant lol. i think i dont want to appear weak or let anyone else see that, or make this situation worse for anyone else seeing me be down. ive had so many thoughts and have spoken to no-one about them,as i said i couldnt begin to explain all. an old colleage said yesteday i thought if i saw you ,you would get emotional and i dont need that. and others act like im going on if i speak about it longer than a few mins, so i suppose im used to putting on a brave face. regarding the op i know they know what there doing but then i felt like they were trying to cut costs, and has made me worry more for the future, work/future relationships/mobility/cancer comer back/ever feeling normal, everything!!! its just nice to know i can turn to this site and hear suggestions or experiences how everyone copes or what im feelin isnt totally weird!

Hi lonelyangel

Your reaction to the diagnosis seems very understandable although i didn't feel like that myself, probably because i'm a nurse so i knew quite a bit about it already. It seems worth finding out all you can about breast cancer and the operation from sites such as macmillan, cancerUK and from the medical staff. You will probably find the whole thing is far less scary than you thought! Ask lots of questions. I've found this helps to make you feel in control.

I know what you mean about putting on a brave face, you don't want people to think you're weak or can't cope. You want people around you to stay positive and not know that sometimes you feel low. It seems to me this is normal but i do think its a great help to have someone you can talk to and say how you really feel. Would speaking to one of the macmillan nurses help? The contact number is on this site under 'how we can help'

I hope this helps. And you're right, this site is brillant for finding out how other people are coping so you should get plenty of ideas.

All the best

Gill

Hi lonelyangel

I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed in October 09 of stage 2 breast cancer, I had a selective mastectomy and chemo, still waiting for reconstructive surgery.. I too felt so out of it that you just go from day to day and dont want to think about the future... its only now that it has hit me what i went through and it has been a year since I was diagnosed..It does getting easier but I still have really bad days and I have realised that it is not shameful to ask for help... I speak to a counsellor in my local Cancer Aid in my area who is great, she doesnt judge me and understands what Im going through/

I too say to people"yeah I'm great, thanks" because I donts want people to feel sorry for me or want their pity, Im still Vikki, I still the same person, but people see me differently as if im a different person, but Im not.

Sorry lonelyangel I seem to be rambolling on, when I only wanted to reassure you that there a light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes time to get to the end out the tunnel.

I am here for you anytime you want to talk, Its nice to talk to people who know what you are going through. People say they can imaging what it is like but they really dont, unless they have gone through it themselves.

Thinking of you

Vikki