Music seems to be dancing in and out of my life at the moment. Both performing it and listening to it.
Last night I sang a song at an open mic evening. I had written while Mum was still alive. No, I didn't do it perfectly. My voice cracked in a couple of places I didn't expect it to and my piano playing needs practice.
I was surrounded by strangers, but by the end of the song, that saying about strangers only being friends you haven't met properly yet, seemed to hold true. I got a lot of compliments. People asked me if I had written that song and seemed surprised and pleased that I had. It was a song called "Rock Me To Sleep". I had rearranged it specially for a performance just before she died and was pleased with that arrangement. It went down well then too. It seems as though music is immortal although human existence is of course finite.
I'm also listening to "The Gate" a new album by Kurt Elling. His voice is fantastic and his band is amazing. There is one track on it " Golden Lady", his version which is originally by Stevie Wonder, originally from the album " Songs in the Key of Life", which makes me think of Mum every time I listen to it. She is my Golden Lady for sure. Always will be.
Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't just apply for my Green Card and go and get lost in New York, where many of these fantastic sounds and artists come from. But then I realise it's the whole world where we belong, even though we may be happy with family, hearth and home, we are all also global citizens. We do have that role to play as well.
Even though we are part of familiies, every time we go on a demonstration to protest against injustice, or sign a petitiion, or do local community work, or do community work to reduce our carbon footprint, we show our global awareness of the wider world.
And for me, every time I perform my music, I realise how much I am part of the global community.
I have no family now, none that want to know me anyway, and Mum is gone so technically I am free to embrace rock n' roll. But I need love, affection and family, of whatever shape or form, too. I am mega-lonely but am keeping on going. I need roots and home, not sure where or how I will find them but the music and live performance is definitely keeping me going.
Are we not creatures of contrast? Ah, we human beings ....
