Glad to report I am feeling better, and have done for a few days. I didnt get to talk to the Latch social worker as Holly was off school the day she was due and I didnt want her to know anything about it so I cancelled. So instead, I let it all out to a friend. I'd already warned her about my frustrations at people trying to say the right thing and it just making me feel worse - and not to use the word NORMAL! - I just needed someone to listen without judging. I was a little wary because this very good friend has had quite a lot to deal with herself (altho not illness) and has always managed to remain so positive, I thought perhaps she would be trying to get me to LOOK ON THE BRIGHTSIDE which i knew wasnt going to work. I couldnt have been more wrong. She listened, was fantastic and I felt alot better for it too. In fact, she said she wasnt surprised by anything I had said, on the contrary, had been wondering how I hadnt got to this point sooner! It was such a relief. And now the words have been spoken they do not swim around the forefront of my mind 24/7 - just the back of my mind 18/7 :-) because this will never go away or be far from my mind but because I am sleeping a little better now too.
I still have the option of speaking with the social worker if and when I need it, in fact, she contacted m this morning to see if I want to see her tomorrow but I've said I'm ok for now.
The other thing that has helped is the meeting I had with the school and the P.O.O.N. - (Paediatric Oncologist Outreach Nurse! Haha!). Another shining example that communication is so important. There had been a disctinct lack of it which had lead to Holly being treated as normal in school - "This is good" I hear you thinking - but no, it wasnt, she was so so tired and frustrated and scared of falling behind. She was getting so tired she had to take days off but then falling into a catch 22 because she had to catch up on what she had missed.
But, with good communication this has all been rectified, the school and nurse have been brilliant and Holly's timetable has been adjusted to suite her. As she will be choosing her options for GCSE at the end of this academic year, she has dropped a few subjects which she knows she will definately not be taking, freeing up some of her lessons, she can use this time to go to the lsa unit and either just rest or do her homework (so in the evening she can rest properly too). This is such a weight off my shoulders and Holly was pleased and relieved too.
So, tomorrow I attempt to go back to work again. But, after last week I have arranged to work part time for now (Tues Weds Thurs) and see how that goes! I know I need to strike a balance so, fingers crossed!!.
As ever, thanks for reading, hope it makes sense cos I never read back what I have typed before publishing and i tend to type as I think! X
