Feeling LOW LOW LOW

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

24 Sep 2009

I didnt go to work today. Have only been back 3 days but I couldnt face it. I cried all day instead. I did call in on the friend yesterday evening and tried to talk but I knew she wasnt getting it so I gave up. In people's efforts to help, try and make you feel better and NOT say the wrong they, they desperately try to clutch at straws and say positive things which really dont help. I just want someone to listen! I know I sound really horrible and ungrateful which I am not, at all, I do understand it from their point of view, they just dont from mine.

I dont know what I'm going to do about work now, if I stay off work I am due to go onto half pay which I cant afford to do, but cant face being there... its too normal!! I also then beat myself up for not going, or wanting to go, because I think "Well, Holly is doing well right now, she's in school and there's nothing wrong with me so I SHOULD be in work" . I feel pathetic for that.

Anyway, I have a social worker from LATCH a Welsh charity coming in the morning and hopefully I can talk to her about how scared I am feeling etc and she can appease me and stop me going out of my mind for another few days.

Have a meeting with the outreach nurse and the school in the afternoon as well - I am SO cross with the school right now too so that should be an interesting meeting! Will blog it!

Thanks for reading (if anyone does haha!)

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Jewels - I am so glad your sis was able to open up to you and I am sure she would have felt better for it (see my next blog!) Sorry I didnt reply till now - I 'switched off' for the weekend, I hope you had a good weekend and have been able to relax a little -reatil therapy is always a good one for me, but you must remember to take time to properly relax yourself - although you sound very sensible! Your sister is very lucky to have you!

X
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Nerak- certainly good to switch off for a bit, but feel guilty now I had such a good relaxing day. Came straight back to see sister with a small hift, but just got a brief hello & put it on the table ! Her son and a mate were there & I didn't feel very welcome to be honest so left & cried my eyes out before going back to hubby (he goes mad as he says you can only do so much & I'm not to be a martyr). Go around each morning to see sister - she is not sleeping / eating properly & having panic attacks early in the morning. I'm struggling to help & have given her some information on meditation classes so she can train her mind to banish the evil thoughhts. She did say she was going to phone / call in at the Mac drop in centre to get some counselling. I think she needs to take the 1st step this way as I'm finding it hard to do everything. Being bitchy I ask myself where are these friends to help with the housework / chickens / walking the dog / shopping/gardening etc. I'm working full time & a lot of these friends don't work / only work part time, but then I think she looks forward to getting out of the house so much & has admitted she hates being in her house alone. Catch 22 really as me & hubby are trying to get our house completed so sister can move into ours. Next step is to speak to the breast care nurse & see what help / information I can get to steer her in the right direction to try to motivate her a bit more positively. It's the fact that she just doesn't care anymore that has me so worried & that she can't motivate herself for her son anymore. Not had experience of counselling and always thought you are only told what you want to hear. Oops - rambling now, but just need to clear my head and find a way out of the woods. X
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel