Called mum, talked to my sister. I haven’t talked to my mum for three days now, she doesn’t feel well with all the side effects. Her white blood cells still very low and she's having an infection in her lung, difficult to breath. I think my sister just try to be calm and I told her over and over again, don’t call me until last minute. In Chinese culture, when problem happening in the family, people tend to spare out those not around or close by. To my parents, if they can solve the problem by themselves, or they think the trouble they encountered can be over within short period of time, they never tell me when it happening. Chinese parents tend to over protective with their children and always treating them more like a child than a grown-ups. In this sense, whatever the situation, they tend to make the decision for you rather than telling you what happening and allow yourself decide what to do. Through the years, i have been argued with them so many times, eventually, they accept that I am grown women now, one way or the other, let me make my own decision. I fully understand why they don’t want to telling me all the troubles. I am doing the same to my own daughter as well as to my parents. In whatever the way, if I can make their life easier, I will do it. It is hard, it is not easy to leave my mother behind and come back here two months ago. The day I fly back she checked in to hospital. I cannot stop crying on the way to airport, because I am so worried that once I turn my back at her that could be the last. I have never experienced such pain in my heart. Now, I have to wait to solve the problems with my study and try to go back as soon as possible. My sister have been stay with my mum in the hospital for three weeks now. My nice miss her mum so much one night she couldn’t go to sleep. In China, there is no support or anything like Macmillan. Family member is the only one can rely on and take responsibility. And we are very lucky than many others in China that my mother have pension and medical insurance cover 85% of the costs. We only have to pay the rest. There are still many families have to pay full fees by themselves. I even dare to think about it if that happen to us, what our life would be now. In this sense, NHS is a wonderful thing for people living in this country. Yes, there are so many problems and issues, many areas need to prove. However, by seeing and experience both side, I would always vote for the existence of NHS. I don’t know how people really think about NHS, but I am sure people here are the lucky one to have that system still working.
Talking about system, the other day saw people talking about the process of seeing coroner and court. I can understand that the stress caused because of the long process. But from my point of view, I find when people passed away in this country for whatever the reason, the coroner and judge have to see all the evidence and give approval on it, is quite empowering. It is empowering for the one who left us, because that is their last voice to be heard. If there is any wrong doing, justice can be made but not buried. Like that little baby on the news who died recently with bad head injury. The last examination allow the baby telling the truth without speak. It is also empowering for the love ones behind. For example, if family member have any doubt or issues, I believe court hearing will be the best time to speak out for the matter. But all this will never happen in China. Like myself, I do have many questions about my mother’s treatment and medication, as well as her diagnosis. For example, when they treating her liver as primary cancer rather than secondary breast cancer, how much her condition now was the consequence of this? If they treating her now as secondary breast cancer, what is the consequence of this changes? Unfortunately, I will never find out. There is no way I can get answer on it. That is why I find the court hearing and coroner evidence are quite empowering. Along with other regulations, the existence of such system is a very strong reinforcement on high quality practice by the medical professionals through our journey of illness. We give our life into their hand, these system make sure they do a good job for us. Sometime bureaucratic staff is pain, but its necessity for sure will be appreciated when things happened. There is no third party or any independent org overseen the medicals in China. That is why when corruptions, mistakes and bad things happened in the hospital people become angry took justice in their own hand killing and hurting doctors and nurses. The trust between patient and medical professions not high, it become a very bad circle, everyone trapped inside.
between knowledge and wisdom, there is a very long journey.
"Kālāma Sūtra" The mantra Om Mani Pädme Hum
Rely not on the teacher, but on the teaching.
Rely not on the words of the teaching, but on the spirit of the words.
Rely not on theory, but on experience.
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
But after observation and analysis,
when you find that anything agrees with reason
and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all,
then accept it and live up to it ~
