Called mum first thing in the morning, my little niece is
there, so she sounds very cheerful. Still got fever and back pain. But with a
young child in the house, she feel life again. In comparison to Western world, Chinese
people have greater attachment to their family. It goes both ways. Not only
young people stay with their parents even after they got married, but also, the
older generation treating their grandchildren better than their own. They spoil
them as much as they can. Of course this create a lot of issues and conflicts
between the adults, but I still think loved by grandparents during one’s
childhood, will bring so much greatness in a person’s later life. Grandparents
play very important role in a child’s upbringing. They have more patient, they
are more tolerant, they often listening. In return, the child will give them happiness,
make them forget their old age or illness, make them laugh and enjoy the life
at very present. Because children have much less to worry about but good food
and enough time to play. These simple minded little souls can really lift up
the air doesn’t matter how heavy it was. I think this is why my mum loves to
see her children. In our family, if there is a person can tell my father off
for his bad smoking habit that would be my niece. Her demand of stop or go outside
always work without any resentment.
However, the greater the attachment is, it also bring the separation
more painful. When those joyful moments will no longer be experienced, the pain
for sure will become more powerful to destroy. I don’t know how my mum think about this yet,
we havnt talk about death much yet. But I plan to bring the subject up gradually
to her. I want to prepare her for it. I want her going with peace in her heart.
I don’t know how, but I feel this is the biggest task in my life, if my life
have a purpose. Actually I believe we should all prepare ourself for the death.
We celebrate for the new-born, we also need
to celebrate for the death. We looking at the new life we may think there is a
long way in front, we looking at the death, scared, digused, or denying it. But death bring me kind of urgency.It make me look at my life thinking, omg, my life has passed that much now, 20 years, 30 years just gone this quick, I cannot afford to waste any of the rest. There is a famous quote but I don’t know the origin, I think
more of Buddhism thought: In this world, nothing important than life and death.
So, make every moment as your last in this world. If we can share love and happiness
with each other, maybe we can also make that empowering when we face the death,
rather than destroying our life because of the loss.
Talking about loss, my mother in-law‘s eyes start to bleed
and affect her vision a lot. She can’t really see things clearly for quite a while
now. Its genetic problem, her mother had same condition like her. I know I shouldn’t
make fun on her illness, but every time when she just inch away from my face to
see who I am, I just cannot help not laughing. My husband always joke about it
too. One good thing out of her condition
is every time when she’s come over we don’t have to polish the house anymore. J She’s a lovely lady, we love her to pieces. She’s
very independent, still cooking and doing all the chores. I do support this
attitude. There are many research shows that the greater older people rely on others
doing things for them, the quicker they loss their independency. Their physical
ability affected by their willingness to do it by themselves. I also remembered
I saw a documentary on care home for older people. Such as making tea or let
the nurse making it can make different for an older person’s physical ability. Mind
power!
Found the english version of an Chinese poem. In China, nearly everyone knowing the last few sentences of this poem. I copied down this poem so many times in my teen years. Now i am a middle age women, read it again, it feels so different.
Saying Good-bye to Cambridge Again --by Xu Zhimo
Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Quietly I wave good-bye
To the rosy clouds in the western sky.
The golden willows by the riverside
Are young brides in the setting sun;
Their reflections on the shimmering waves
Always linger in the depth of my heart.
The floating heart growing in the sludge
Sways leisurely under the water;
In the gentle waves of Cambridge
I would be a water plant!
That pool under the shade of elm trees
Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky;
Shattered to pieces among the duckweeds
Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream?
To seek a dream? Just to pole a boat upstream
To where the green grass is more verdant;
Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight
And sing aloud in the splendor of starlight.
But I cannot sing aloud
Quietness is my farewell music;
Even summer insects heap silence for me
Silent is Cambridge tonight!
Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Gently I flick my sleeves
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away
