I shouldn't have made that last blog post. I basically jinxed everything.
That night (about 10pmish) my sister texted me to say that dad had rang an ambulance for mum because she was in agony and couldn't move. Dad picked me up on the way to the hospital and we were basically following the ambulance there.
We were put in a little waiting room and it was a good hour before we could see her and they were doing various tests. They were just about to do another x-ray on her when dad dropped me back off home.
I went home and went to bed. Then at 5am I was woken by my dad ringing me ''Get dressed I'm picking you and your sister up we've got alot to discuss'. When we got home to pick my sister up dad had to sit and tell us that mum's bowels had perforated and they had to do an operation right there and then to try and save her. She had a 10% chance of survuval at that point.
On the way to pick Nan up was horrible. My dad and my sister were crying all the way there. For some reason I didn't cry. I couldn't. My mum's best friend Les was there at the hospital and rang whilst we were on the motorway to tell us they were taking her into surgery right then. That made dad even worse and it was a very quiet car journey back to the hospital whilst we were all sat there thinking that mum could die that night.
We got to the hospital around 5:30am and it was only at about 12ish we got to see her. It was a very long and horrible wait. They put us in one of 'those' rooms with the tissues and the pamphlets for greiving and counselling and posters about organ donation all over the room. It was awful.
They finally let us go into see her and we all had to go in seperately and wear one of those plastic green aprons. I didn't cry at all until I got into ICU and saw mum. She looked awful. She looked a yellow colour and she couldn't speak. There were tubes and wires and drains and canulers (sp?) going up and down her arms. Everyone was crying. My Nana was distraught - she just kept saying 'my baby - my baby girl' and Les was sobbing and dad was upset.
Mum held my hand and I told her I loved her and she tried to say it back. Then she tried to tell my sister to look after dad for her. Which she has been doing very well.
I left the hospital yesterday at 1pm and slept till 9am this morning. I still feel like I'm dreaming. I still haven't cried. I don't understand why I'm not crying anymore. Why am I not reacting? How can I sit there dry eyed whilst everyone else is in bits? It's horrible. It's like it's stuck somewhere and it wont come out. It's like I'm aware of it, but I'm keeping it secret from a certain part of my brain and it's just not going in.
Went to see mum today and she was up and talking. She's still a bit confused and her eyes kept rolling but that's because of the morphine. She looked pleased to see us and dad is going back later with my Nana. My boyfriend and I will be going tomorrow straight after work.
I've probably missed a load out. So much has happened and I haven't had a chance to process it all.
Mum is recovering well so far, and unfortunately the last I heard, they said they weren't going to give her chemo now. I hope to God it isn't true.
Thank you to all the staff at RAE Infirmary in Wigan for everything they have done for my mum and our family so far. They have been wonderful.
