Seriously, if you're offended by bad language I suggest you don't read on.
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:'(
Why can't someone just give us a fucking break for once? Why?
I'm not getting my bike now because apparently, somehow, we've got a bad credit rating. I literally have no idea how or why this has happened but basically, as far as lending money goes - we're not getting any. We're paying £500 a month rent yet no fucker will give us a chance on a mortgage. I am paying more rent than ANYBODY I know is paying on their mortgage. I'm going to be renting for the rest of my miserable pathetic life aren't I? Stuck in this dump and paying a rediculous amount of money to do so. Until it's sold that is, and then we're essentially homeless.
I wanted to get a bike, desperately because guess what? That's right - I don't have enough money to go and see my mum and Grandma on the bus. I don't even want a 'good' bike. Just something with a frame and two wheels will do. My boyfriend has desperately been trying to sort all this out and all this has just depressed him even more than he was already. He's miserable. I'm miserable. My family is miserable.
I've HAD ENOUGH. Its literally been one thing after the next since June. When am I going to get a break? We were supposed to be going on a short holiday together. Didn't happen. We were supposed to be spending more time together this summer. Didn't happen. We were supposed to be saving up for Christmas this year so we'd have money to get presents and gifts for everybody. Not happening.
Why is it, that all the scrubbers in school, who we all knew'd get pregnant at 15 or spend their entire lifes on the dole with no intention of working whatsoever, all the people who didn't turn up to do their exams or even bother to revise - why do they not have any problems? Why do they have jobs and money and loans and credit cards and holidays? All the girls I knew in school who got pregnant at 15 have got everything they've ever wanted - they get to go on holiday and have a car and a house and still have two kids and no job - yet I do everything 'right'. I work my bollocks off in school and get bullied for it, then leave school and go to college TWICE, spend 3 years on the dole because no fucker would employ me and then end up selling boiler parts for a living - which don't get me wrong, I love my job - but I wanted to be a nurse or a counsellor and now I can't afford to go back to college to do it again. I can't afford to do the course to do my counselling it's like £600.
Sorry, I needed to get that out of my system. I really, really have had enough now. Everytime I pick myself up and find something nice to happen, they just come up behind me and kick my face into the shit again. Every fucking time.
I've had such a great day today aswell. I've been feeling really down all weekend and spend most of Saturday crying. Thought today might have been a good day. Ah well. It can just be shit like all the fucking other days of the week.
