I''ve had a very strange couple of days.
On Wednesday evening after work I went to see my mum and it's probably the first time I've seen her 'down' in a long time. I know she was trying really hard to be enthusiastic and chatty and pleased to see her daughter, but I could tell deep down she was tired, in discomfort and probably just wanted to be alone. I was only there for an hour or so and it was nice to see her, but I think last night was the first time I realised what we were all in for. Mum seemed so tired and she said that she could tell that she was starting to get depressive symptoms and that she was going to try and see whether a counsellor could help her.
For some reason all this knocked me for six. I don't know why the hell I was expecting my mum to be 'normal' when I went round. I don't know what the hell I was expecting. It upset me though and I cried all the way home on the bus, fell asleep at around 8:30, leaving my boyfriend all by himself all night. I woke up the next morning feeling like I'd been hit by a train. I could barely get out of bed. Half got my pants on, burst into tears and had to ring in work to tell them I wouldn't be coming in. Thankfully they were really understanding. I hung up, got back in bed and didn't wake up till around tea-time.
Last night was a bit better. I felt really dizzy and weak when I woke up because I'd accidentally not eaten in two days because of all the sleeping I'd been doing! We managed to watch a couple of TV shows together before I fell asleep so that was nice. I feel so strange at the moment and my appetite is non-existant. I eat because my stomach is screaming at me, not because I want to. Everything tastes weird. Nothing tastes right.
I just feel bad for my mum. And my dad.
