06/09/2013 - Specialist Counselling?

What you are feeling is perfectly normal.  When someone you love has a terminal cancer diagnosis the grieving process begins. We start to mourn that person and with that mourning comes fears, tears, despair and all sorts of other horrible feelings.  You are so worried about what is going to happen, how it will happen and also how you will cope that this is coming to you in flashes, again it's perfectly normal.  I lived in fear of how I would feel, how I would cope, and of course not to mention how my dad would actually die.  I was worried I would be crying and screaming, having panic attacks and unable to function normally.  You are in a world of anxiety, uncertainty, fear and you're completely lost. 

I don't think having counselling will hurt you, but the wait will be long and you are aware of why you feel the way you do.  I don't think your fears will alleivate until after because then you will have answers and actual events to focus on.  Your flashes are your fears and until those fears have gone, they will remain.  All I can suggest is you try and face your fears, for example the scenario at the funeral, try and recreate the funeral in your mind.  Picture a nice sunny day, the church is bursting of all those who loved and cared for your mum.  The ceremony is nice, you are very proud to be there for your mum.  Feelings of peace that she is now safe and not suffering.  Try and replay the horrible flash and override it with something nice.  Regain control. xx

Hello BlueHaze.  My GP sent me to see a counsellor several years ago.  I was depressed at the time as several things were getting me down, the hardest being the death of a cousin from cancer who I was very close to.  I found the counselling very helpful.  So it may well be worth speaking to your GP and see what they have to say.  They may have some other suggestions for you. 

Another thing you could consider is ringing the Macmillan Support Line.  It might help you to have a chat with someone there. 

Take care xx

Molly that brought me to tears.

That's exactly what I needed to read. You've given me a completely different perspective on that. I had a suspicion that it was my brain trying to prepare itself for the worst. I'm glad you said that because you cofirmed what I already thought.

You've taken something reall scary and turned it into something that I can use as a tool I suppose. Maybe I should try and embrace these thoughts I'm having (maybe embrace isn't the right word) and use them to prepare myself rather than to frighten myself. It's not something I'm doing on purpose so I'm guessing that like you said, this is a natural process that my brain is doing to protect me and I think I should go with it instead of fighting it.

Instead of thinking about all the bad, terrible aspects of what is inevitably going to happen, I'm going to try and make it as special as I can. I'll write some of my ideas down too, I find that having things on paper helps me alot.

I think I must have read your message about 10 times molly, I can't thank you enough. You've helped me more than you'll probably ever realise.

*grabs control by it's throat*

Thank you Margaret :) I can always rely on you.

So sorry to hear about your cousin, that must have been very hard for you. I will ring Macmillan next week and see if they could point me in the right direction.

Thanks again for everything - and Beth, I'll be reading your message in a sec :) can't wait :) xxx