Dealing with a parents hair loss

Hi Coffeelover, 

As a child who's gone through this with my dad, I feel somewhat ok to reach out. 
First bit of advice, please please please don't feel guilty for 'not wanting her to look different'.
Of course you don't, as with cancer, there's a strange shift from where it goes from them having cancer (but no symptoms are strongly showing) to then them having cancer with visible changes occurring (for my dad it was drastic weight loss, becoming weak, hair thinning etc.). You not wanting that change is likely because it's another step in accepting the cancer diagnosis, BUT that's absolutely understandable and ok to feel. That doesn't make you selfish at all, as it will feel very real all of a sudden when that hits. Here's the hard part - we're likely our parents best friends too, so we need to support them now, more than ever. So let's get onto the positive side of this. 

Your mum losing her hair is such a badass power move. She's fighting this, for herself and for you all, and if strength had a look, this would be it. Although hair, to us women, is of great importance, she'll now be able to cool herself down with cold compresses on her head (my dad loved this after treatments), and you can now experiement and make some fantastic memories trialling new wigs. If she's up for it, it may even be a funny memory that you all go out together all wearing funny wigs, so it becomes something entertaining. 

Her hair isn't what's making her strong - she's strong with and without it. Her losing it is a sign of bravery and resilience - and losing it doesn't take away from her beauty or identity one single bit!  


I'd recommend trying to be present which shopping; if she wants to stay quiet - just be calm and sit by her. If she wants to laugh, laugh and try on some wigs with her. If she needs a distraction, maybe talk and imagine which of your family members of friends would suit the strangest wig in there the most - would your neighbour suit the hot pink wig? Just do what feels right, because honestly, just being there by her side will mean everything to her, just knowing she has that support network and love! 

Hey, I’m a mum going through chemo and I can tell you my daughter has been my rock. I had major surgery for 2 cancers at the same time and was really poorly after. I actually scared everyone as I’m usually really fit and strong

Hey, I’m a mum going through chemo and I can tell you my daughter has been my rock. I had major surgery for 2 cancers at the same time and was really poorly after. I actually scared everyone as I’m usually really fit and strong. During all this my daughter was organising her Dad and 3brothers for visiting etc. 

What she really found hard and what made her have to take time out was when I had my pre chemo pixie cut. Ithink like you it made it all real and I faced the loss of my beautiful long blond hair. 

Actually that was the low and when I did lose my hair )(I am now bald but choosing to wear funky head scarves) she felt ok. We have lots of honest conversations about the changes. 

So don’t beat yourself up about being sad. My boys find it really difficult to see me without hair but I’m happy they can be honest about it. 

Eventually all will be well. Wishing you so much love and strength x