I should of maybe started this at the beginning (4 weeks ago) but to be honest I think that would of been impossible. It's only now that i feel like I can give anything more then 2 minutes of my attention. It's hard to believe that just over 4 weeks ago I was a 48 year old very happily married woman with a husband that was my whole world not only did we live togeather we worked together and generally our each others best friends, And then he went from a very fit and healthy 50 year old man with a few stomach pains to being diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and here I am now a full time carer to a frail man that I hardly recognise, I still spend every second of the day with him but I've never been so lonely. I try do hard to be strong and upbeat but the pain inside is horrific. I'm trying so hard to make a new normal if you ever can, and tell myself hundreds of times a day life has to go on. But can any of this ever become normal ? I want to make his life as normal and happy as I can but 2 minutes in to my little charade, bam! It's gone life is turned upside down again and its another utterly abnormal day again with load of totally different emotions and feelings that I didn't even know existed a month ago. Can anyone make a functional routine in this devastating new normal? I really don't know if I can or anyone can but I'm going to try. And I'm going to start tomorrow or maybe Monday because everything normally starts on a Monday so my first new normal day will be Monday!!! I'll let you all know how it goes
