Mental torture

Hi Damon,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your blog reads like a howl if despair and I wanted to reach out to you.

Can I make an observation? This may not apply to you so ignore me if that's the case, but I find when I start attributing feelings to other people I am often talking about myself. So when I say "everyone is ignoring me" I often find I am ignoring myself or trying to ignore a feeling.

On the other hand, you may be right and the healthcare professionals may be ignoring you; would it help to think about it in a new way? They are trained to offer hope and trained to "do something" and I think often they do not know how to cope when there is nothing left to do. Is it time to look for health professionals who can help you and who are trained and practiced in helping people in your situation? It is not clear from your post whether you have been given a terminal verdict so maybe it is too early, but there is help here on this site with information about end of life. Another source of help is Marie Curie.

I agree about doing things on your own terms; it's how I feel too. I choose to seek out help where I can, whether that's finding the right information or the right support or the right people to surround me.

I hope you can find some peace - on your own terms xx

Hi Damon

come on where's that fighting spirit gone? Enjoy every moment you have. Forget about the cancer and go have fun and make memories. That's what my hubby did. He didn't get as many chances as you, he only had BEP and TIP. So you are one strong cookie, you have taken everything they have thrown at you and you are still fighting. Keep writing your frustrations down as thus us helping you deal with this awful situation. Xx

Lol your right Gerry, sometimes i forget how lucky i am to still be fighting, i am still enjoying life such as it is, just put my anger as frustrations and worries on here , you never know the blouse and skirt may still be needed