today is my sisters birthday, she does not want to celebrate. She has been there for me as much as possible and her husband has had a bit of a nervous breakdown since my Mark passed away. It was not solely due to what happened to Mark as it was building even before we found out he was seriously ill but I am sure it didn't help.
I understand her feelings but feel that she needs a day for her. she has been worrying so much about me and her husband that i am now starting to worry about her. I wanted her to have a nice if understated day today so I bought her her favorite sweets (haribo!) and a card and gift voucher for some new clothes. Unexpectedly they came to stay at my house last night, I had spent sat and sunday night at thiers to stop me being too alone but expected to be alone last night and tonight. However her husband had the idea they could come to mine last night on the way to going to his parents today. I wasn't going to say no. But it is her birthday this morning and I can't get up in the morning without crying yet. so I came downstairs to find them both already up and drinking tea. I tried so hard not to cry but I couldn't. I didn't want to cry at her on her birthday, i know she understands but it's still not what she needed. She opened her card and of course i had written in it how much we had valued her support in the last few months, both me ands Mark, of course that set us both off. Maybe I should have just left it at happy birthday.
Yesterday my sisters husband found out he had got the job he was hoping for so that they could move back up north nearer family. I was happy for him but I can't bounce with enthusiasm. I got in a bottle of wine and we shared it between the 3 of us but I couldn't muster much more than that.
after spending 3 days with my sister and her husband it had started to become a little uncomfortable for me if I am honest. They are not a lovey dovey couple but it is the stupid mundane conversations you have with your partner I was starting to feel jellous of, the cost of petrol when he filled up the tank, how she nagged him to do the cleaning her way not his etc. Stupid stuff but what most conversations are made of.
What was difficult last night was to her my brother-in-law snoring, again odd thing to say, but Mark snored and would often fall asleep on the sofa downstairs. I would wake in the night and find he was not there but was reassured by the snore from downstairs. I had to keep reminding myself whos snore it was last night. So many stupid things, but I miss them all, I miss him.
