my cousin did a stupid thing

Hi there,

I have to say that someone who attempts suicide is desperately crying out for help. They are in pain. When you are in pain you sometimes do say really ignorant things.

It also sound like your cousin is very immature and impulsive. Is she young? Although, age may not make any difference. Some people can be immature at any age.

I guess you can't really know how someone else feels unless you have walked in their shoes. I can't possibly know the depths of your feelings having lost your husband. Mine is ill but still here.

I have the same feelings about not wanting to be around for very long without him. I have not been looking after my own health the way I should because I figure I don't want to live forever.

I can only say that my heart aches for you. Try to forgive your cousin. Sounds like she has some growing up to do.

Love,

Becky

x

The brain is a funny thing and different people cope in different ways, obviously your cousins was a cry for help.  I am battling cancer and have an alcoholic relative and I think she is killing herself with drink while others, like a lot of us on this site, fight to live. Don't avoid places where there are poeple, hairdressers like lots of other people just try to make friendly chat.  If they ask if you have been anywhere nice, just so no, you are saving up or haven't bothered this year.  They don't need to know your private life, but you need to mix and try and pick yourself up as normal as best you can.  We all have an inner strength and I hope you will find it soon as Mark would want you to.  Take care,

Funny how other peoples problems fade into significance when you have your own.

I expect your cousin's lost relationship is huge to her and she didn't mean to hurt you.

I know exactly how you feel, her heartache will heal and she will love again.

Ours will take a lot longer if ever, we will always have that huge special place in our hearts for our husbands.

Feeling that life is meaningless without them is normal and unless someday we can move on it will always be that way.

To some extent I have moved on, the outside world see me in a happy relationship and carrying on with my life.

Deep inside I feel as dead as my beloved husband.

I yearn for my old life with him.

My life is so different now, I fill it with many aqcuaintances.

I have the days/nights with my new partner.

I love him but he is not my husband and I cannot give to him what he deserves. He understands and says he just wants to love me.

It is very early days for you. You need time to heal the surface wounds which will enable you to make some kind of life for yourself without your darling Mark.

Don't waste your energy in being angry with your cousin. You are far stronger than her and a credit to your Mark.

We have to live for them, they had no choice but to leave us. They want us to live our lives out until our rightful time to go.

Take care of yourself Becky you Will feel better one day I promise.

Love Julie X

I had a similar problem with my sister when I was first diagnosed and going through chemo.  She had a bad smear test and had to have a colposcopy. She was never told she had cancer and was never really in any danger. I hope I dont offend anyone as I realise cervical screening is invaluable and there are risks associated with having cell changes and that this is scary also. But she kept going on and on about it and diverting all attention to her and trying to make it more than it was which made me feel awful. Like she was trying to compete when I was fighting for my life and to be there for my children.  Anyway we spoke on the phone one day about general things and she said something to me like '' me and mum were talking and its alright for you because if your cancer came back you would get a lump but if I got it I wouldnt know and it would be too late''. Well what she was forgetting was that I already had cancer and was dealing with treatment and emotions beyond belief and that if I did in fact get secondaries they would be incurable.  Well I did eventually get diagnosed with secondaries and we dont really talk now. Quite often on facebook she will put things like 'I feel really ill' or 'I'm really worried' but never replies when I ask her whats wrong.  Its a real shame but all it boils down to is jealousy really. I think you should avoid your cousin as people like this are bad news when you're in or position, they drain you and bring you down. I dont blame you for ranting I would too...oops I just have. Sorry! All the best and remember you are the most important person right now.

Love Chrissi x

hi all

well becky my cousin isn't really young, she is 30, only 2 years younger than myself and has had a bit a rough life so far but i still can't help feeling annoyed about what she did.

I realise that she has no way of have any idea how this feels because she like me so far has only lost her Grandfather, closer to her than me but still not at all compareable.

I have been called Sensible alot of times in my life and i do take alot of resposibility in my life but this is not about being sensible, its about valuing life and that Mark valued life and would want me to go on, he will have to forgive me for my current state of just existing, but I am handing on, for him ( and a bit for my family)

T