I should be going to my first councilling session today, so as I should have been alone I arranged for my sister to come and stay with me last night so I would have some support if I felt emotional afterwards. But after she arrived yesterday afternoon I got a call from the councillor oppologising but cancelling my appointment at short notice and remaking it for next monday. She said she had a referral but equally was supprised to find I was not working, considering everything that happened and how quickly it happened this year I would have thought it would be supprising if i felt I could work yet. It's not like I sit behind a desk and shuffel papers. I do wonder how much of what happened is actually on that referral. Obviously Mark has died, that is the crux of the problem but there is a lot more to it, I have a feeling I am going to have to tell her the whole story.
I am still not sure how councilling is going to work, they can't make it better, no one can, but I hope they can help me get my head arround dealing with the fact I have survived and I need to carry on with life somehow. To cope with the fact hes gone and can't come back no matter how hard I prey for it. I don't know how anyone can do that, but I am willing to give it a try.
I will now have to deal with starting councilling on my own, my sister will be back at work and my dad needs to go away on buisness so can't be here either.
